The Makings of a Man

****Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my first movie review. Now before I begin, I just want to let you know that I may write reviews on any media past or present. For example, this review is on Diary of a Tired Black Man, an independent movie released in 2009.****

Diary of a Tired Black Man is a powerful film. This is the hidden voice of many Black men, just like myself, that has been drowned out by the perceptions promoted by the media and accepted by some Black women. This film is on the mark. It’s another side to being a Black man that can’t be packaged and sold like the “thug” image.


Those are just a few of the very first thoughts I had while watching this film from director Tim Alexander. An independent film, it does not fall into the cookie cutter standards of Hollywood and that is part of what makes this so powerful. The fact that this is based on true events and is something that Black men around the country experience is another. But this is not just a movie, this is a message whose intent is to spark discussion and motivate action.


Now I did see the 3 minute video that swept the internet some 3 years ago.


Suffice to say that this film will evoke a reaction from the viewer. And it does not matter if the viewer is male or female, Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, or whatever. But it will be an even stronger reaction for those that are more closely tied to its theme and message.
It is the fact that the audience is left with a reaction that is one of the biggest positives of the film. There are far too many movies that try to entertain and are lost in a message, or just fail to do either. And we the audience are left with nothing, in fact often forgetting what we have seen the moment we stop watching. With Diary of a Tired Black Man, you will likely not want to stop watching and you will definitely remember it. And how can you not want to watch a film that can provide that?

One of the best things about the DVD, which is not available in the various bootlegs out there, is the bonus material. Specifically the expanded commentary of those that were interviewed and seen in the movie. Watching the raw footage of what is said and the full context of what some think is as engaging as the film itself. And the commentary by Tim Alexander is equally rewarding.

And I want to address something that is a bit separate of the film. Bootleg DVD’s. We all have owned on at some point. The thought is that the Hollywood studios make too much money to be hurt. But this is not a Hollywood studio movie.

This was the creation of Tim Alexander, and every bootleg copy takes money from his mouth. Some may want to justify a bootleg by inferring that director/creator Alexander is rich, but that too is a false justification. His passion went into this film, as did his money. And every bootleg copy takes money directly from him, excludes some of the best features of the DVD, and affects the ability of this first time director to create another film. And talent to bring this kind of honesty to the screen should never be blocked.
But right now I am focused on the DVD. I recommend it, 4 of 5 stars in my book. I suggest strongly that if you are African-American you need to own this. And if you are not you will still find the film captivating and will want to own it as well.

For many, online dating no longer carries the stigma it has in the past. Picking up someone on the 'net is just as, if not more, common than meeting a new boo at the local bar. Whether finding love or finding lust, sites such as eHarmony.com, Match.com and Blackpeoplemeet.com are just a few portals that provide the platform for people to meet and eventually date. Add Twitter, Facebook and all the other sites people are also using to get more than their "social networking" on, and you have an estimated 20 million singles using their MacBooks and PCs to find love, according to OnlineDatingMagazine.com.

While finding a mate online continues to rise in popularity, the concept of love may not be as concrete as it appears. The love rules online are noticeably different than more traditional methods of dating. Knowing the difference between being in love versus e-loving -- a relationship reserved just for the computer -- can be essential to your heart. Considering that 69 percent of the black population is single, is finding love online worth it? Whether already in a online relationship or simply thinking about it, be sure to consider these five areas to find out if you are in a real relationship or just e-loving?

1. Communication

Online dating can put effective communication into practice more frequently, because people are less likely to be shy behind the protective veil of their computer screens and because they're more interested in finding out about someone they've never seen. Before you fall head over heels with someone over the Internet, beware. The type of communication put in practice when dating online may be a disadvantage later on in the relationship. Conversations are not always natural -- the time allotted for a response when dating online makes it easier to rethink and even rewrite a response, making someone seem a lot more clever and/or thoughtful than they are in real life. Before you crown him or her the "great communicator" have a phone conversation first.

2. Familiarity

People really take the time to present and package themselves online. When you are in love with someone, you fall in love with them at their best and worst, not just with their most recent profile picture. When smitten online, remember that things are not always how they appear. It's natural for people to post pictures that show them at their best, but without seeing someone in person, it becomes hard to gauge things like body language, mannerisms and the other small details that may become deal breakers. When you are in love with a person, you have had the chance to see their many faces not just the best one they want to put forward.

3. Growth

Meeting and dating someone online? Cool. Maintaining the relationship online? Not cool. Keeping a relationship confined to e-mails, texts or instant messages stagnates growth and may be a sign that you are not the only person your object of affection is dating. Online dating is meant to be a relationship starter, with a bit more revealed as time goes on. If the relationship stays online, you may be in love, but the other person is definitely just e-loving you. Real love needs more than the satisfaction of turning on the computer.

4. Comfort & Pride

Although everyone understands the popularity of falling in love online, not everyone understand why or how it happens. How comfortable are you with sharing with the public how you met? Don't be ashamed to admit you met in a chat room. Public perception rarely matters when people fall in love through traditional courtship; don't let it matter in your relationship. Taking comfort and pride in how your love came to be should be part of what makes your relationship a joy.

5. Depth

How deep can lovers be online? The deeper you become to each other, the closer you are to being put in the "real love" category. Humans innately have a set of perceptual and interpretive processes that allow us to efficiently identify desirable potential partners. But what happens when we go online and forfeit most of the sensory channels that drive this refined process? The answer is situational. You could try and come up dry. Or online lovebirds could end up getting married like the estimated 120,000 people whose online chats lead them down the aisle last year.

Have you found real love on the Internet?

As most of you are probably aware, Fantasia has been getting some unwanted publicity for her affair with a married man. The fact that Fantasia was involved with married man, Antwaun Cook, has been a pretty frequent discussion topic on various gossip sites for the past year; however, it seems that being a focus of the divorce proceedings was such a shock to Fantasia that she attempted suicide. Fantasia might even be more shocked to realize that, now that she has, thankfully, recovered, she could be facing an alienation of affection lawsuit for coming between a man and his wife.


First and foremost, let me say that I am glad that Fantasia failed in her attempt at suicide and is doing better. Although we may disagree with her actions (or alleged actions) with a married man, suicide is not the answer. She is a mother, and it would have been devastating to her child and the rest of her family and friends if she had succeeded in her suicide attempt. But now, Fantasia has to face the repercussions of her alleged affair, which are financial in addition to being emotional.
North Carolina is one of only a handful of states that still allows alienation of affection lawsuits. These types of lawsuits (which have been eliminated in most states and are considered antiquated by many) are aimed at punishing those who participate in an affair with a person they know to be married. In North Carolina, the three elements of proof that support an alienation of affection claim are:

1. The marriage entailed love between the spouses in some degree
2. The spousal love was alienated and destroyed
3. The defendant's (in this case, that would be Fantasia) malicious conduct contributed to or caused the loss of affection.

I don't believe for one moment that Fantasia didn't know this man was married, and I also don't believe that Antwaun Cook was separated from his wife, Paula, during the time he and Fantasia were dating. Concerning the possible alienation of affection lawsuit that Fantasia may be facing, the official date of separation is of vital importance, because conduct that takes place before the separation date is considered completely relevant to proving the claim. If Paula Cook can prove that most of the affair occurred before the married pair separated, she could be in for a big payday.

Conduct that occurs after the separation date is considered relevant only as it corroborates conduct that took place prior to the separation date. Given this, it should come as no surprise that Fantasia's married boyfriend is claiming that he and his wife separated early last year, while his wife claims that they only separated a couple of months ago.


If Fantasia is ultimately sued for alienation of affection, it could have a devastating impact on her pocketbook. There have been several large awards granted in these cases in North Carolina, including a case involving one mistress who was ordered to pay $5 million in compensatory damages and $4 million in punitive damages. As Fantasia has had serious money issues in the recent past, an alienation of affection lawsuit could obliterate her financially just as she's beginning to get back on her feet.

Fantasia is in a terrible situation no matter how it plays out, especially given all the children that are involved. For Fantasia, even without the potential for financial loss from a lawsuit, the damage that is being done to her image is likely to cost her in a variety of ways, ranging from losing projects to dropped endorsements. This will be especially true if certain evidence is presented at the divorce and/or alienation of affection trials, such as an rumored sex tape that she made with her married lover. In addition, lawyers' fees for these two cases will cost a pretty penny.

Hopefully, this situation will be a learning experience not only for Fantasia, but all men and women out there who are involved or would consider getting involved with a married person. Even if you don't live in North Carolina, it can cost you in ways that you may not be ready for.

---Class Dismissed

Since we are all adults here, it is safe to assume we know sex doesn’t always go down in the confines of a boyfriend-girlfriend (or some other combination of genders) relationship. Lots of sex, maybe even most of it, happens between two people who just want to bump uglies and see each other’s orgasm-face. Maybe you know the partner (and I may use that term loosely) well. Maybe you just wanna get in her after meeting in the club. Who knows. We all know that sex has some type of start, some hopefully good pumps in the middle (see what I did there?), and an end. After all is said and done, what happens next?

It’s Clean Up Time
This is always an interesting time. Let's say you…eh hem…finishes before she arrives and now something needs to be done with the kids who got caught in the hat trap or took up residence on some part of her body. No matter how cool a guy is, this process is always a bit awkward to watch. **turns away** How long does she lay there? Does he stand up and turn his back to her? Should he leave the room? Who goes to the bathroom first? Should you turn the lights on or keep them off while you find your underwear? Do you get dressed because you are now embarrassed to see each other’s post-sex bodies, or do you stay naked? Wait, where the hell are the covers? Should one have a pre-moistened towellete on hand? There’s no one right way.

Pillow Talk

Even if one of you is making the late-night creep back to your car or your boo, do you guys talk about what just happened? Check out my snerario

Him: That was fun.

Her: **bitter that she didn’t get her orgasm** Yeah…

Do you just turn over and pretend to fall sleep? Hopefully, you both were put to bed. If not, maybe you talk about preseason football? Praise her for that thing she did or the way he shut it down? Or maybe it was one of those “Let me just lay here and look at the ceiling because I can’t believe that just happened” moments. Don’t act like you haven’t had nights when “that” meant something good, something terrible, or maybe even something pretty pointless.

The Next Day

This is where things can get tricky for men and women. Women may wonder how soon is too soon to send him a text, BBM or IM. “I don’t wanna seem like I’m thirsty.” A man on the other hand may not want her to think he’s feeling her “like that,” but may not want to look like an asshole either. Both of you may play the I-don’t-want-to-be-the-first-to-reach-out game. Unless you did the do with your boo. But what do you even say? Whatever you say, you always try to find the balance between saying too much and not enough. Either one may set off the wrong reaction in him or her. Stage 5 clingers or what I like to call "Keith Sweats" can be born on this day. No bueno.

Like I said, we are all adults. Most of us pride ourselves on “not playing games.” But the truth is, there is some element to the post coital dynamics between folks. At any point, depending on your level of comfort with the person, we may be worried about saving face, protecting our pride, preserving some reputation within our minds and in the minds of others, and possibly not burning a cutty-buddy bridge.

What are some of your dos or don’ts of post-thronxing fun? Have you ever done something that you wish you didn’t? Did you see him or her do something that turned you off…or maybe got the juices flowing again (pun intended)? Has someone done something that caught you off guard (in a good or bad way)? Or is this something you’ve never really thought about before? Either way, share your piece with me.

If you have or desire to obtain a corporate job, avoid neck and facial tattoos. Despite the changing mindset on tattoos, they still carry negative connotations of prison, rebellion, and thuggery. If you can't hide it under a shirt, think twice about it.







If you have no desire of going corporate or have a job that doesn't deal with clients, then by all means, go crazy. Get face tats, and full sleeves. Do whatever floats your boat...like these guys.

"Do you have the time?" You reach into your pocket and retrieve your cellphone and recite the time that you read. In the eyes of many lifestyle experts, you've just broken the cardinal rule of being a gentleman; wearing a watch. I've compiled a guide to some of the hottest watches for the upcoming fall and winter seasons, varying styles and price points.

Now I better not catch anyone wearing those fake Jacob's "flooded with diamonds" any longer.
With that said, I'll leave you with a quote from a successful businessman I worked with briefly. I noticed he doesn't wear a watch, and I asked him if he ever lost business from old-school clients who have staunch views on respect for time. His answer:

"When you get to my level, you don't need a watch. Whatever time I get someplace is the time I'm supposed to be there."

Because of the emphasis "the number" gets, do people really have honest conversations about it anymore anyway? What did Chris Rock say -

"Guys - never ask a woman how many guys she's fucked because you don't want to know...because no matter what she says it's too much for you! She can say two and you'll be like, 'what...we'll I guess that's how you were raised'!"

The truth of the matter is, as long as you are both safe and clean, it really shouldn't matter whether the number is 3, 15, 30, 45...or more than that. What should matter is what you are willing to deal with. Unfortunately, the double-standard still exits, and that's going to leave very few women that are willing to be honest about their number, and very fey guys that really want to know (and vice versa).

Ladies, gentlemen....do you still ask? If you do, are you asking because you really want to know, or are you asking to see if you'll get an answer at all? Have you decided to stop asking because you aren't willing to share your number (whether because you think they'll think its too high or hell, maybe too low)!? Let's get the conversation started now. I want to know what you think, how you handle the topic, and most importantly..."What's your magic number?"

If you're familiar with The Makings of a Man, then you know I enjoy dressing up and looking dapper. However, there are times when a suit is uncalled for, and a sneaker is just what the doctor ordered. Below are some of the best pickups you can make for the upcoming Fall season.


 

So let's all step our casual sneaker game up. Grab`some new shoes, sport them correctly and put your style at a trillion. Let me know what you think and/or add some stuff to the list.

Arguably my favorite accessory to the two piece suit. Suspenders or ''galluses'', known as ''braces'' in Olde English, are fabric or leather straps worn over the shoulders to hold up trousers. Suspenders should be worn with class. The unproper usage of this accessory is being abused by todays adolscents. I do not believe suspenders should be worn with any type of jeans. This is not fashionable taste. It ruins the distinguished look.


I personally prefer braces. Most people don't understand the difference. Regular suspenders are attached on the top of the trouser. Braces typically attach to the inside of the trousers with clips or with buttons. Such braces are usually considered white collar wear and are of high-quality. You can purchase braces at any upscale department store.

Rules to wearing suspenders:

1. Never wear suspenders with a belt or any other accesory that hold's up your trousers .
2. Your supsenders should match your shirt , tie, bow tie, or trousers.
3. Refrain from gaudy prints , or tacky animal prints.
4. Adjust suspenders so that your comfortable and pants are at the proper height of your waist .


You can find quality suspenders or braces at these websites


1. http://www.macys.com/
2. http://www.polo.com/
3. http://www.josbank.com/
4. http://www.neimanmarcus.com/

This is a topic that often gets ignored or goes overlooked amongst many guys that definitely helps increase your style. Simply put if you look good you feel good and, as anyone with a considerable amount of style will tell you, confidence is everything! And let's keep it real there's huge double standard when it comes to women's physical appearance vereus men's appearance. Every dude wants a chick with a fat ass, big titties, thick thighs, etc. Now if you expect all those things out of a female it's only right that you hop in the gym and make sure you keep yourself right for the ladies. If you need help getting started check out http://www.menshealth.com/. They have tons of programs to help you get started. Trust me, as soon as I started hitting up the gym in college all the ladies noticed. Just don't go overboard with it. You don't want to look like a bodybuilder when you're at the office. Not only does it scare people lol but being too big definitely messes up your corporate style.

Through intense vaginal investigations, I have realized that many women don't have regular orgasms ( for shame). Now me being a cocky dude, I want to say it's all their fault. But truthfully it's not, it's the men they're jumping off with. Now you say "what does this have to do with the better making of men (The Makings of a Man motto)?" It's about getting dudes to step their punany-loving up for the greater good. So the main question is -why don't women hit their climax and what are men doing wrong? Being in a relationship changes that and allows you to openly discuss your sex life. A simple question of "if she came" goes a long way. The Bonnie to my Clyde keeps it real so I know how to get that cherry popping.


Dr. Ruth says that a woman that regularly masturbates has more and better orgasms. Now I agree with her, but I think there is more to this topic. Guys got to use the one trick a woman can't really fight, eat the pussy. I'm telling you eating the pleasure pallet always makes the party better. Usually it's better to start there, get an orgasm and then handle business. She gets an orgasm and gets more excited and then it's easier for the second. But still I need to know why so many women don't get orgasms on the regular. I know for a fact* that most women like to be fucked, not to be made love to, on occasion. Making love is sensual and all that, but when it's orgasm time, good fucking handles the business.

Ladies, let's be honest about this, you want to be fucked sometimes. You want him to take it, eat it, and murder it (and the occasional Huck-a-Buck). Oh Boy!!! An orgasm is a 50/50 deal, it's just as much mental as it is physical. If a girl is not feeling you, it's going to be 10 times harder to get an orgasm. So you got to get her excited, do something different, eat the pie, and give her the business. Ladies, please enlighten the male readers with what gets your body right... without the mention of money. Fellas, drop a jewel for the inexperienced ones amongst your ranks.

Class Dismissed

Throughout my travels on the world wide web, I've come across so much idiotic nonsense. There seems to be entire generations of people that abhor education, knowledge, and refinement. (The habit of typing like you speak is crazy to me) Folks analyze the educational trends in this country and across the world lay the blame on a multitude of forums; music, television, film, videogames, drugs, poor teachers, etc. I've always said that everything begins in the household, and I continue to stand by this statement. However, I'll add music to the suspect list starting today. Read this passage from a recent Lil Wayne interview:


What are you reading right now to help you…



I don’t read a damn thing. That’s why I don’t write music. I’m too cool to be reading and writing…I’m a very intelligent nigga. I can read like a motherfucka. I don’t want motherfuckas to think I’m illiterate.


You’re in college so…


I don’t read, other than that shit.


But we talking about books for leisure.


Nah, I’ve done that like once or twice. It’s just not my thing. I’m not into made-up stories.


You know how people get together and they like, “Yo, you read…”


I’m not even in that conversation circle. That would be crazy, I can’t answer nothing so why would I sit there and talk? I ain’t read no books. I sit and watch ESPN all day. I can tell you what happened in sports. I do what floats my boat.

Now it's not my business to regulate what another man does, but who is his publicist? They allowed him to unleash that garbage out of his mouth? At the moment, Wayne is quite possibly the most listened to artist in the world, so his influence is unmatched. If you have any doubts, just listen to any of the hundreds of songs, take a peek at the scarves, colored pants, tatted faces, and dreads running around out the blue. Obviously, these young people are easily influenced and nonsense like the above quote is doing unbelievable damage.

When did it become cool to be dumb? Growing up, my parents taught me that 20 years after the "bad kids" in school were cutting up and not doing their work, I'd be able to laugh at them as I sped past in my Lamborghini. The image has never left my head, and served as incentive for long nights of studying. Wayne's attitude is not uncommon, and unless more people wake up and understand that knowledge is power, we're all destined to remain enslaved.

The vocabulary and intellect of the gentleman should be profound. Every sentence you construct should be thoughtful and articulate. Thus Dr. Q. N. Gardner, esq. empahasizes the word diction.

Whether at work with business professionals, at dinner with a nice looking girl, or in any public setting the gentleman is always elegantly speaking. I have broken down the roots of the mighty word: Diction. It is very important that you understand the importance of diction and effective speaking.

Main Entry: dic·tion
Function: noun

1 obsolete : verbal description. 2: choice of words especially with regard to correctness, clearness, or effectiveness. 3 a: vocal expression : enunciation b: pronunciation and enunciation of words in singing

Now if you have a weak vocabulary or constanty find yourself using fragmented phrases I can still help you. I have four tips that will help you start elegantly speaking in no time.

1. You should purchase a dictionary, thesaurus, or vocabulary builder book and refer to it at least bi-weekly.
2. Constantly read the newspaper, magazines, and or anything you can get your hands on.
3. Watch the news, or any educational show on television
4. Pratice always speaking in sentences. No matter your location or setting!

Okay, I'm taking time out of my schedule to spread the word on professionalism at work. Now I know the whole world is surgically attached to their cell phones, but not all cell phones are good for you. Financially, you know. See when you have to make big money moves with contractors, associates, and colleagues you need to have a fly but classy phone. So to all you T-Mobile people, the Sidekicks are not on this list. It's fly if your still in school and not officially in the corporate world, but not to hang with big boys. The number one used big boy phone is the Blackberry, but you already know that. So I will give you some other choices on this issue.

The first phone on this list is the Samsung Comeback, a young fly phone. If your deep into the corporate jungle, this will not work for you. Why you ask? It's too damn colorful and will force you to text with that flip-out keyboard. No bueno. This is the phone for a bright college kid with a decent internship or co-op.





Honorable mention: HTC HD2


----Class Dismissed

"Now I aint sayin' she a gold digger, but she aint messin' wit no broke niggas" - Kanye West

Check out this quote from an interview with Karrine "Superhead" Steffens:

"There's a whole new young generation of people," she said. "I was in a relationship for a while. I was really just chilling being a housewife, doing laundry taking care of folk and when that ended I kinda felt like I want to be with somebody young and hot and not broke."

I'm afraid that I feel her sentiments in that statement. She's injecting some youth and excitement into her life, while not paying for a damn thing. It's a win-win in my book (her's too). I'll admit that I'd have no problem being a brown-skinned Kevin Federline if I had the opportunity; I wouldn't feel like any less of a man not being the provider. I'll have my woman's bath ready, dinner cooked, and the chandelier dusted by the time she comes home from earning that paycheck. Call it gold-digging if you want, but I'll call it living the dream. I have enough to swallow my pride and do what I need to do.

I introduce to you David Michael Clothing Co., the dream of a young man. He's been working on his line for the past few years, including a couple fashion shows. I think his line is at point now where people could really see themselves wearing the clothes. He has great direction and his eye for style is top notch. I have given two examples of his latest works below. The interesting thing is that they are designed on a computer, which is becoming the hot new do-it-yourself thing. Most of his clothing is done by hand and involves elaborate painting . He hails from New Jersey and resides in Atlanta, so there is a broad scope of style. Go find him on Facebook.

So I've noticed that too many people (not just men) don't know the difference between their patterns and prints. This is important because you look dumb mixing them and saying them incorrectly to others. Like my man John Witherspoon said in Boomerang, "You got to coordinate." So below I have provided several patterns for your new upgraded swag.
Argyle

Class Dismissed!!!

Women notice everything from head to toe. So when you're sitting down and your socks don't match, you're not smiled upon. Your sock game can put you over the top, or simply drown you.

"A man who does not care about his appearance, does not care about much ", Fonzworth Bentley.

So how do I step my sock game up you ask:

Step 1 Always make sure your socks are clean, and pristine.
Step 2 Always make sure your socks match.
Step 3 There are different socks for different ocassions.
Step 4 DO NOT wear white tube socks with dress pants, chinos, or dress shoes.
Step 5 Always keep a pair of black, blue, and brown dress socks.
Step 6 The only time you should be wearing white tube socks are daily casual usage or the gym.

HOW YOUR SOCK GAME CAN PUT YOU AHEAD:

Argyle socks = Timeless Fashion - Only super sophisticated people wear argyles.

Talent is sexy to women. Most of us men could care less if a woman we're pursuing can't even whistle.


This week's list features two individuals that honed their natural abilities and utilized them to reach unexpected heights. The first is arguably the most bankable star in Hollywood, Will Smith. Over the years, he has matured from a neon colored kid-friendly rapper to a media mogul. He stays up on the current trends with supra hightops and the ever-popular diamond dogtag chain.

"I want people to remember me as a full on entertainer and a good person"

Aaliyah Dana Haughton  (January 16, 1979 – August 25, 2001)