The Makings of a Man

There used to be a time when people just didn’t mix. There used to be a time when every Latin person in America was called, “Mexican.” If you are from up north, you know that this used to lead to fights because the Puerto Ricans been around since West Side Story. But Black folks just called everyone, “Mexican.” My grandfather still does. Aside, isn’t it funny that someone will be like, “I’m 100% Puerto Rican” but be from B Brooklyn? I just think that’s so funny. Black folks used to have some ish that they could call their own. It was probably like one Latino in your neighborhood, maybe one. Think back in the day, I remember my elementary school and there was one latina.  She was Columbian. Black people used to have basketball, now Al Horford and Greivis Vasquez are rising to prominence. We used to have football, now Mark Sanchez is here. We had rap, but Daddy Yankee is the highest selling hip hop artist worldwide. Everybody listens to Daddy Yankee, “A ella le gusta la gasolina … da me mas gasolina!” And we used to have women, Halle Berry wasn’t pushed out, Eva Mendes and Rosario Dawson just showed appeared from virtually nowhere. Halle took her ball and went home. Last but certainly not least, Melyssa Ford and Angel Lola Luv have got to be pissed because Rosa Acosta and Suelyn Medeiros came in with hammers and demanded to be seen. It’s like my grandfather always said, “Here’s the difference between Black people and Latinos, Black people were brought here, Latinos…they came here.”Or as George Lopez said, so eloquently, “We ain't going no...wheres!”

Anyway, it’s Hispanic Heritage Month and in true Latin form, they didn’t take a month, they decided to just carve it out where they wanted it. September 15th to October 15th, not September, not October, they made sure to get three paychecks in there.

Now, Black women may have an issue when a Latina walks in the room. In college, they used to call them, “Mira miras.” I always used to laugh about this, but as one Black female said, “They have their salsa and merengue, why don’t they stay the [expletive] over there?!” Because we all know where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And if you thought white girls walking in a party was a neck breaker, look at all the brothers when Latinas walk in the party. I'm going to come back to this in a few days.

Let’s Talk about music for a second...
We had Jimi Hendrix, they brought Carlos Santana. Let the record show, you know how we have Boys II Men, Aventura gets the party popping. Try some Aventura at your next house party and see if it don’t change your life. And don’t forget about that Fat Joe problem we had a few years back. I'm sorry but you can not  try to front like you wasn’t leaning back in the club. But that’s not the dude … the dude is Daddy Yankee. Daddy Yankee gets  an abundance of garden tools and female dogs. There are so many women who love that dude and he’s married! But anyway, reggaeton tore up the charts, we were in the club doing that same dumb reggaeton dance to Rompe, Gasolina and whatever else they could throw on.


Let’s Talk about partying for a minute …
Thank God for the Mexicans! Black people who don’t thank God for the Mexicans have no couth with themselves. Back in the day, we was perfectly fine to have our Colt 45, gin and juice, and the ladies had a little Mystic at the BBQ. A few years later, we was drinking Henny, (Remy as a substitute), and women were throwing back glasses of Moet and wondering why they were pissy drunk. The whole time this was going on, many were smoking weed. Someone is going to argue this with me, and I’m not going to argue back for some private reasons, but trust me, over 85% of the drugs entering the United States come through Mexico. If it wasn’t for the Mexicans there would not be such high volumes of weed.

But no really, thank God for the Mexicans, answer this question; If you really want to get the club popping what do you take shots of? PATRON!!! Patron has changed the game completely. Patron has ecstasy in it too. All this to say, once again let’s toast … actually no, let’s take shots to Hispanic Heritage Month.

Have you ever noticed that when the bell rings for recess every kid sprints to play on their favorite playground equipment? One kid goes to his locker and pulls out his brand new basketball. When he walks on the playground, every one of his classmates gravitates towards him and his new basketball. It’s almost like they forgot about the kickball or the monkey bars, and the slide is now a thing of the past, it’s time to play basketball.

Ever get the feeling that Black men are the same way with Latinas? They seem to drop Black women like an old kickball and move onto the new shiny thing they see. I think the short answer to the question, are Black men obsessed with Latinas is, yes. Speaking of myself personally, I don’t think I am. I find all types of women attractive. I’ve dated women from different parts of the world. I’ve personally said to my friends, “I really don’t think Black women like me.” I believe that people typically will date the people in their environment. And unless you want to toss it up every weekend, you're dating pool is Black women, Latinas, a couple of white women, and an occasional Asian chick.

I think that some Black men are obsessed with Latinas though. I think stereotypes about long (real) hair, and lighter skin do exist. People believe that having kids with Latinas will produce better looking kids. However, this surely goes both ways. I think that most men who are obsessed with Latinas for their looks will soon find out that they come in so many different forms, you’re likely to find that Latinas look just like Black women. I remember as a child I would just get so tickled at, “it was dry and straight, now it’s wet and curly!” I still find this amusing today over 20 years later. Nonetheless, it’s still a dumb reason to be obsessed with Latinas not all of them have curly hair.

I think that some Black men are obsessed with Latinas because of the language. Some people find Spanish, Italian or Portuguese to be romantic languages. But, this has nothing to do with Latinas, I think it’s just that it’s in a different language. If you were dating a girl who spoke Mandarin Chinese and she just went into a rant during coital activities, you would get turned on. I am not sure of the fascination with someone who has an accent, it can be sexy, but I think communication is important to me, it’s more important that I understand what you’re talking about. I’ve never been one to say, “Oh that’s so cute you can’t say 'museum'.” That just seems stupid to me.

I think that Black men perceive Latinas are more submissive. Black women and Latinas listen up, men always think things are greener on the other side. Black women need to own up to their street-cred though. Men of all races tend to believe that Black women have an attitude problem. A lot of men choose to date outside the race because they just can’t deal with that attitude. If you go back to that prior statement I made about Black women not liking me, it’s because to be honest with you, I’m not backing down. If you tell me something that I don’t agree with, I will not be suckered into a confession. Black people we have to be honest, we are confrontational people, we are in your face. Likewise, so are Latinas, women are women, they are all a little unstable, they all are a little too emotional, and they all want what they want.

I think that Black men think that Latinas are more catering to their men. This is just false. I’ll explain. Why do Latinas serve their men? Because that’s how they were raised. If you meet a Latina who was not raised to serve men, guess what happens? You're not getting a Corona until the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl. You can meet several Black women who were raised in homes where the boys were catered to and they will do the same thing. What you should do is check and see how she was raised before making a decision about who you want to date.

I’m getting ready to dive into a can of worms as I try to close this out. So do Black men put up with a Latina’s crap before they will a Black woman’s? This is a good point. If you will let a Latina do it to you, but you don’t let Black women do it, chances are, you have some type of issue. I have had to check myself before and be honest with myself, taking that pin out of her hair and her long black hair flowing all over her back while in the reverse cowboy position just isn’t worth it when she cusses me out right after. A lazy woman is a lazy woman is a useless woman. Having your “Latina” laid up in the house all the time, not doing anything, is not doing anything for you. I need to know that if I go to the trunk to get my .45, my Butter Pecan Puerto Rican (big ups to my 'uncle' Snoop, he was a fool for that line) is going to get the switch blade too. We have to work together.

So I put it all on the table, I’m interested to hear your thoughts. Do you think Black Men are obsessed with Latinas? I’d like to hear from Latinas on this one too.

Anyone who is familiar with me knows that I have an absolute love for neckwear. I am always on the lookout for a beautiful necktie to add to my growing collection. Here, I have paired my Ike Behar necktie with a linen suit and striped dress shirt. The khaki color of the suit serves as a neutral, so the shirt and tie combination take center stage. The two patterns work well together because the dominant gold color of the necktie picks up the subtle yellow stripes in the shirt. The brown stripes in the shirt also plays off the khaki color of the suit.


The scale of the two patterns work together beautifully; as neither pattern overpowers the other. The purple and olive geometric print in the tie gives this outfit a certain "pop" that is attractive to the eye. All three elements of the tie, shirt, and suit match and are in balance. The gentleman should always seek a path of bringing stylish elements of his ensemble together; everything works together without losing individuality. Style and balance; that is of course the Makings of a Man.

Gentlemen, trying to find a casual sport shoe for the fall?  Look no further than the Brooks Brothers casual suede sport shoe. This handsome shoe is on clearance for $124.00 from a regularly priced $248.00. Whether paired with crisp denim jeans or freshly pressed chinos; either choice presents a sporty look. Available in chocolate and tan; this suede shoe would be a welcome addition in any gentleman's closet.

There are things in life that tend to irritate me a great deal. For example; the Washington Redskins beating the Dallas Cowboys, the computer system crashing while I'm working on a homework assignment, and especially shirt collars that won't stay in place. No matter how hard I try to adjust my collars; they just can't stay in place.


While reading Men's Vogue, I saw an advertisement for magnetic collar stays. For the uninformed, collar stays are small inserts placed inside the tips of the shirt collar so that they keep their shape. They can be either metal or plastic; metal is usually the better of the two. While helpful, it does not solve the problem of collars that go astray. Enter Wurkin Stiffs Collar Stays. These are magnetic stays that are inserted into the collar and held in place by a smaller circular magnet underneath the shirt.

No more unwanted butterfly collars. The collar stays remain firmly in place and needs no adjustments. You won't even notice that they are there. While the drama of life still stresses me out. However, my collars are neatly in place.

Why This Works

This outfit consists of a windowpane sportcoat, striped dress shirt, and paisley tie. The windowpane is the dominant pattern while the other two patterns are secondary. Patterns should be mixed to enhance the outfit and not overpower each other. The light blue dress shirt catches the blue in both the tie and sportcoat. The burgundy tie also has hints of olive that coincide with the sportcoat.

Hints for the Gentleman

1) One pattern (preferably the suit) should be dominant in a 3-pattern outfit

2) Pay attention to scale (size of pattern); patterns shouldn't visually compete

3) Look for secondary colors to tie an outfit together

The gentleman should take a second to examine the elegant blend of color and pattern; the goal should be understated yet visually striking.

“I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal! My entire body is hairless.” – Kim Kardashian.

Class, the professor has left for a couple days. That's right I'm taking a brief trip to the beach. Boy, there are still some nice looking bodies down here for it to be early September. And this Mike's Hard Lemonade is tasting quite right as I type this post. But anywho, let's get back to your lesson.

Let's open with a moment of silence, please. With the above quote from Kim Kardashian, I think every man went to a place called his Picture-in-Picture, also known as the PIP. (The PIP is located in the corner of one’s imagination. Have you ever said something to someone and they dazed off into space as if they were looking at something, but you couldn’t see it? They might stare up and to the right, or down and to the left.)

“It’s sort of like a peach picked fresh from the tree after being watered. There are a few droplets of water on this peach, barely noticeable fuzz, but damn I want to eat it.” – Dr. Q.N. Gardner, Esq.

[Looks around… notices that there are other people in the room.]

The first “peach” I ever saw was more like a kiwi, not a coconut. But it was the first coconut I ever seen so what, I didn’t know any better. They told me the good stuff was on the inside. And that’s pretty much how things went from the first time you saw a girl’s private regions until sometime in high school if you were lucky.

I remember my freshman in college, I decided to skip school and go with some upperclassmen to a local lake. As we hung out in the parking lot, some folks smoked weed and others drank beers, women running around in the sand with bikinis, there happened to be an opportunity for me to be silly. As my friend ran past me, my hand reached for her waist and all I got was the string of her bikini and I pulled…

I caught a quick glimpse and I thought, “Is she a Playboy model?” After all, that was the only place I’d ever seen a woman without hair up until this point. You never really get it the first time, it’s only after a few experiences with the trim, shave or wax that you understand that it’s essential that a woman keep the grass cut. Who knew, that growing up we would say, “If there’s grass on the field it’s time to play,” but as we got older that changed to, “I love hockey!” But women want to know why; they want to know what it is about a woman with no hair that turns me on.

I did a little research and came across what is called, “sexual dimorphism.” Simply put, genders are attracted to traits that distinguish the genders. Men are attracted to large breasts, slim waists. Women are attracted to large muscles, a v-shaped body shape, and strong facial features. That’s a damn good reason to me.

I’ll tell you a secret, that wasn’t an 18-year old freshman male who came up with that. I’ll tell you what we came up with in Freshman Seminar; “becasue it's sexy of course!” When a man pulls off a woman’s panties he doesn’t want to feel like he'll undergo an encounter with Bambi and his mother to get to the goods. And given the option of meeting Bambi or sliding across an ice rink, he’s going to choose the latter. There’s also a hygiene factor, (which does not just apply to women), we’re going to make that area wet, and when that wetness gets caught in such a thicket, it has an odor. Logistically speaking, is it easier to slice through a stick of butter with the wrapper on or off? I guess it depends on how sharp your knife is.

Let me stop, I understand how women feel because they don’t want to look like a 12-year old girl. But I know you’re not a 12 year old girl! That’s why you have to request identification (that is unless you're Robert Kelly or perhaps he asks for ID, who knows). I know in the winter it gets cold and you need an extra blanket to keep you warm. As a man, it’s always winter-time, you don’t see me keeping a blanket of loose women around to keep me warm.

And by all means, if you don’t want to do anything about the region that is your decision and no one should make you change that. Just know that there’s a line of women making appointments with their esthetician this weekend, so technically we don’t have to accept nothing less than perfection. (Let me be honest with you, a man will sleep with you even though you haven’t shaved. “would you sleep with?” and “what do you prefer?” are mutually exclusive questions and do not disclaim information to each other.)

Some minor administrative notes:

* I find landing strips to be confusing. It’s like, why would you come to Miami to hang out in Ft. Lauderdale. If were going to be here, we might as well be here. Whenever I see it, I look at its like a UFO hovering over the White House. I’d be like, “What are you doing here?”

* Bedazzled is cool. No really. What? That’s like the apex of hair removal.

* Shapes and letters are a close second and third.

* The following is non-negotiable, shave/wax your; legs, underarms, mustache, back and any other regions where unsightly hair grows. (You’d be surprised.)

 * If you’re 30 years old and you haven’t seen a nectarine yet, you’ve been having sex with men. I’m so very disappointed. In other news, Dania Ramirez, ladies and gentlemen!

What do you think Makings of a Man massive? Trim, Shave or Wax? Do you have a friend who refuses to do anything with the region and it annoys you? Fellas, be honest, what do you prefer? I know some of you come on here with those self-preservation comments, but keep it real for today.

R&B singer Trey Songz  will release his 4th studio album, “Passion, Pain and Pleasure” on the 14th of September, with the music industry hoping it can spike sales after a record weekly low last week. A preview of a few songs off the album was given to UStream last month as a teaser for fans, as well as surprise calls to some lucky ones (like myself) who got to hear his CD first.

As seems to be usual now for many artists, some of his songs were leaked on to the Internet, which he gave a little acknowledgement to by saying “Shout out to everybody who didn’t listen to the leaks,” he said. But the singer brushed off the premature release of some of his tracks, adding, “Bootleggers gotta eat. I ain’t mad at y’all boys.”

Much of his lyrical content has to do with pleasure and passion, not so much pain. With lyrics like “wouldn’t it be nice if all night I was in you?” from ‘Love Faces’, and “That thang cold, y’all, that thang cold,” in the same song, women all over the place are going to be driven wild and saying how smooth the singer is.

Despite its overtly simplistic theme the album is pretty decent and could mark a transition in Songz’s career. This is probably his most complete work so far, it showcases a lot growth and definitely more maturity. The production here is stellar, the vocals although not groundbreaking are interesting, things only get shaky when lyrics are in play. There is room for improvement lyrically for this young star in the making. Songz has a bright future in this industry.

According to the early estimates Songz’s “Passion, Pain and Pleasure” album is expected to sell between 230,000 and 250,000 units in its first week of release. This is a big leap forward for the “I Gotta Make It” singer whose last CD and best selling release yet, 2009′s “Ready” only sold 131,000 copies in its debut week.

I was talking to a female-friend about the context of this very blog and she had some interesting input from the female perspective. I’ll share two things she said that I feel encompass the overall issue:

“We women can find optimism in the direst of circumstances. We’d rather settle for scraps and be in a relationship instead of finding what we deserve.”

“She isn’t going anywhere. So what incentive does he have to be greater when his minimum will yield the same result?”

I don’t know about the first quote personally, because I’m not a woman. I just thought it was interesting. The latter, however, is very true.

I’ll be the first to admit that men put women though a lot of shit. Yet, 9 times out of 10 it’s because you let us. True story.

I mean you can’t get upset with a man for never committing when he knows you aren’t going anywhere regardless of if he commits or not. Generally men commit for two reasons: 1) They think they can’t do better and/or 2) They think they might lose you.

Therefore, using the often underused philosophy of common sense, if he 1) thinks he can do better and/or 2) thinks/knows you won’t leave him, chances are he will never commit to you. And yes, most dudes are deathly afraid of commitment, but if you can’t inspire him to overcome that fear then you are not the one for him or he is not the one for you. Period.

If you think you’re going to ‘wait a man into commitment’ it is far more likely that you will be waiting forever – and in vain. Here’s why…

Men will date a woman out of convenience with no plans to ever go beyond that phase with that woman. Now, if you’re content with being a woman of convenience, then more power to you – but if you want a commitment from that dude, you got a problem.

If you’re giving a man sex, affection, love, etc.  – essentially giving away the milk, the cow and the whole damn farm for free then he will date you, excuse me while I quote from The Sandlot here: “For-ever, For-ever, For-ever, For-ever” without any thought or plan to commit to you, let alone marry you. In fact, it is quite possible that when he is ready for that type of relationship it will not be with you.

Ladies, I know you might believe he loves you and maybe he does, but love and commitment are not mutually exclusive. So let me state this frankly: a man can love you without planning to marry you. If you’re content with that, great! But if you want more than a stated “I Love You,” cuddling, time spent together, sex and midnight love dedications on the radio, then at some point you’re going to have to speak up.

I’m not a fan of ultimatums but I will admit they get results because the outcome is clearly defined. Do X by Y-time or Z will happen. The problem is when it comes to dating most people don’t firmly commit to Z when X and Y fail to happen.

That’s why you should never – and for emphasis let me repeat that – never, tell a man you’re going to leave him and then don’t leave (or leave and comeback). This tells us we can get away with everything just shy of placing a Chuck Norris-style roundhouse kick to your mother’s medulla oblongata and you aren’t going anywhere. There is nothing more dangerous than a man who realizes he can tell you the truth without repercussion. Example: “I will never marry you.” After you have told him that you want to get married.

Basically if you ever plan on being someone’s partner – girlfriend, wife, or other – say what you mean and mean what you say  and then follow through if you want a clear commitment sometime before a quarter to never. Otherwise the only person you can really blame is the woman in the mirror, but if you disagree and it makes you feel better and sleep easier at night then feel free to blame everyone else but yourself because we can all see how effective that’s been…

--Class Dismissed

10) Your foundation should consist of basic blues, blacks, browns, and grays.

9) Don't limit yourself to the basics when expanding your wardrobe; experiment with pastels in the spring and summer.

8) Basic colors in blue, black, brown, and gray can be purchased lower than retail price in stores such as TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and outlet malls such as Concord Mills Mall.

7) The texture and material of your socks should coincide with the fabric of your trousers.

6) Likewise, the texture of your socks should coincide with footwear. For example, heavy cottons and formal dress shoes don't go together.

5) The color of your socks should compliment the color in your trousers.

4) For the adventurous, socks can compliment various colors to elements in your outfit; your tie, pocket square, etc.

3) Always wash socks in cold water on gentle to reduce shrinkage and wear.

2) Never dry your socks in the dryer; instead hang them in the shower overnight to dry.

1) Washable laundry bag!! You want to stop losing that one sock. Buy a bag from Target and keep track of your socks.

After a day of wearing my shoes, I usually insert shoe trees when I put them away. All my finer footwear possess a pair of shoe trees. Some people have a couple of pair of trees and rotate accordingly. I find it easier to just have multiple and separate trees. I have seen a reduction in both creasing and cracking of my leather dress shoes. Leather actually shrinks when not in usage, so its shape is retained when in storage.

uality shoe trees can be bought for as little as $25.00 or even less if you catch a sale. In terms of shoe maintenance, the shoe tree is essential to proper shoe health and care. Help extend shoe life by purchasing shoe trees. You won't regret your decision.

10) You don't bother to ever clean your shoes.

9) You don't use leather conditioner in between polishing your shoes.

8) Did you say polish?

7) Your only pair of black shoes are your work shoes, church shoes, leisure shoes, gym shoes, etc.

6) You take off your shoes with them still laced. You put them on still laced.

5) You dry wet shoes with direct heat; be it your furnace, heater, oven, etc.

4) Your "leather" shoes are really "pleather" shoes.

3) The last time you bought shoes, gas was about $1.49 a gallon.

2) You have no idea what cedar shoe trees are.

1) You've spent more money on Nintendo Wii & Playstation 3 than quality shoes.

Wow, I see my fellow gentlemen have taken my advice from my White Out post.  You now have your fresh clean white dress shirt. The next move is critical. The time has come for you to select the appropriate neckwear. Keep in mind that we are striving for a conservative look similiar to that in which Barack Obama has adopted in his political career. You want a look that is both serious and professional. Your selection can make or break your entire outfit. Your tie is the centerpiece that is first noticed in your ensemble. Your tie is on the front line in the "War on First Impressions". You want to keep your look understated, yet elegant. Your choice should be a solid, striped, or small geometric tie in varying shades of blue, red, black, or gray. For knots, the gentleman should employ a four in hand or semi-windsor when knotting their tie. His tie should just meet his belt line. There should be a understated harmony between the dress shirt and tie.

The Burberry tie above is a perfect example of a tone on tone tie in black. There is a subtle check pattern, but the tie performs like a solid due to its tonal nature. Retail $130.00

Looking to spruce up that suit or sports coat for the fall? Take a look at these Hickey Freeman Gingham Silk Pocket Squares. With six colors to choose from, you shouldn't have a problem adding some color that is playful and sharp at the same time. For more information, please visit Hickey Freeman.

For a moment, I'd like to take you back in time to 2008. I'd like to take you back to then-Sen. Barack Obama's presidential campaign. While on the campaign trail, there was one thing that is always constant: a white dress shirt. Nothing says sharp more than a crisp clean white dress shirt. With the rise of the white tee and striped dress shirt, the white dress shirt has become the forgotten ally in the gentleman's arsenal of stylish weaponry. Whether in a point, spread, cutaway collar, french cuff, or barrel cuff; the white dress shirt offers a blank canvas that gentlemen can display their sartorial creativity.


Complex in it's simplicity, it is the most conservative and sophisticated dress shirt one can wear. Complex you may ask? One can argue that it is just a plain white dress shirt. The difficulty lies in the very fact that it is simply white. With no colorful details working for you, every element of the gentleman's wardrobe becomes critical. From his tie to his pocket square, he must now rely on his creativity to breath life into his dress shirt.

This is where good intentions sometimes go awry. Being forced to access his creative thinking, men tend to over-think the situation and make things worse. Loud suits and even louder ties overcompensate the simplicity of the white shirt. Before we tackle those issues, let me first tell you what shirt you should be wearing.
















When shopping for a white dress shirt, I look for a shirt that is 100% cotton, has strong stitching, and has the correct fit. I suggest visiting finer men's department stores and comparing different brands. You will be able to find the appropriate dress shirt for you. For further retail information for featured items, please visit highlighted retailers.

With so many choices to choose from, one post is not enough to cover Man's Best Friend (aka footwear). So, today I continue with more options for the gentleman to add to his collection.

Tighten up your wardrobe with the Allen Edmonds Astor Tassel Slip On. The Astor is a well constructed shoe that features a brogue wingtip design and tassels. Initially I was hesitate to even buy a tasseled loafer. I was apprehensive prior to buying a pair, however I'm quited pleased. Growing up, I thought only old conservative white men wore tassels. I figured I would look kind of weird wearing a shoe that looked too old for me.


One day, I said what the heck. I decided to pay a visit to a local shoe department. If I was going to buy something with tassels, they had to be smooth enough for my taste. The Astor was just the attractive shoe I was looking for. My advice for anyone trying out a new look; make that look your own and wear it with confidence.

I usually get a lot of compliments and attention when I wear this slip-on. With a totally refined silhouette, I pair these with jeans or odd trousers for a sophisticated and modern look. This handsome slip-on is perfect for casual Fridays or just kicking back on the weekend. For more selections like the shoe above please visit the following link for more information Allen Edmonds.

“I think she likes me man … but I don’t know. Talk is good, but she never calls, and I gotta jump through hoops for a date. What you think?”


You would be surprised how many times I get asked this. I also get the question from girls too. Whenever your talking to someone new, fielding that first phone call from your future baby’s mama, or in that sometimes cloudy “courtship” period … you searching for those IOI's.

Indicators of Interest (IOI) refer to any and everything that a person does, whether intentional or subconscious, that lets you know they like you and things are going well. Some of the basic ones that apply across sexes include:

•Calling a person

•Physical contact (hug, touching of the shoulder)

•Spending large periods of time talking

•Direct and specific compliments

•Expressing direct interest in seeing a person

•Nibbling a person’s ear

•Grabbing at person crotch and attempting to stimulate their privates

•Whispering seductively into their ear

All these things and more allow one person to tell another that “I like you”. But wait … what if things seem funny?

•What does it mean if you only get one IOI every 3 weeks?

•What happens if your phone calls are always at 3am in the morning and consist of “Can I come through”?

•What happens if every time she calls you to go out, she always wants to eat, its the end of the month, and she complains of the hunger headaches and she can’t wait until her paycheck comes?

•What if every compliment, as sweet as they are, always reference your butt and breasts?

•What does it mean if she whispers things in your ear, touches you all over, and puts your hand in “special places” … but when the light turns on and the song is over she says “lapdance over” and you have to pay her?

Yeah … IOI's aren’t easy. Every once in awhile you will meet someone who erases all doubt from your mind and makes you feel that there is no doubt about where you stand or how they feel. Better yet, their actually honest about it! They weren’t tricking you.

Some IOI's are universal, some only work for men, and some only for women. Its a complicated science because no one wants to be led astray, but everyone wants to be wanted.

What IOI's did I miss?

Some people yearn to be married or love the commitment of a true relationship. They revel in having one person to share everything with, the responsibility of caring for another individual, and the inner joy of this “love” thing I hear about.

You also have a group that subscribes to the “player for life” mentality. Manogamy is a curse word to these people and offensive to the ears. They are having “fun” and looking for nothing more than good times and casual sex. The number of “conquests” is a bragging right, and they will quickly tell you about the one person who was good enough to actually get a repeat.

But what about the person in between these two. What about the person that doesn’t want the headache of a boyfriend or girlfriend, still wants someone to go out with and “sleep” with, and just has no desire of sleeping around like crazy. Well, the answer is …a friend-with-benefits.

This isn’t about the greatness of the FWB, this is to dispel some common misconceptions about this great “relationship derivative” created to fill a unique need in this new generation.

Friends With Benefits are not Cut  (or commonly known as "fuck") Buddies!

"Cut buddies" are people used for sex. You sleep with them, they leave, that's it. You don’t care about their mother, you don’t care about how their day was, and you don’t care about anything expect “are you coming over and do you have a way to get home before the morning!”

The friend-with-benefits is a thing of beauty. They are a friend. Someone you care about, talk to, and possibly have a history with. You can depend on them if your in trouble and they can call on you. They probably have loaned you money or helped you out with some trouble you had. There is a good chance you can call them to get their opinion on something, or just to see how their day was. The one thing that separates this friend from that old college buddy is that she/he helps fulfill a need that both of you suffer from; good sex.

The key to the term is "friend". With a cut-buddy, they aren’t your friend. They serve a purpose. Their like a car. You use it for a purpose. With a car, you might “love” it, and you take care of it, but you would trade it in if someone gave you enough money and you will get rid of it when it can’t provide any longer. This is the same as a cut-buddy, not something to be loved or cared about, but something to maintain as long as it does the job.

A friend-with-benefits is like a dog. You honestly love your dog. It's not the same love as a child or significant other, but its love. If your dog is hurt, you take care of it, and try and make its recovery as painless as possible. Its not just a thing, you love it.

Friends-with-benefits and cut-buddies are not the same and not to be mixed up. Please use these terms correctly, know what your getting into and what to expect. Don’t get caught looking stupid.

What is your favorite? Friends-with-benefits, cut-buddy, or a simple relationship?

Hypothetical conversation:

Girl #1 -“You and Tim been chilling hard for a minute … you two dating now?”
Girl #2 -“Hell naw girl … that's just my F-A-B!”
He is always around you. You talk late into the night. You’ve slept with him … as in the same bed … but he didn’t touch you. You have cried in his arms after the guy you were sleeping with dumped you. He has taken care of you when you were sick. He has picked you up when your “man” was tripping. He is one of your best friends.

One problem … he is hopelessly in love with you … and you don’t want to believe it. This is your FAB, aka Fake Ass Boyfriend.

What makes him a "fake ass boyfriend" though? Boyfriend? Its simple really.

Your FAB provides all of the benefits of a boyfriend … companionship, emotional support, paid dates and dinners, all that good stuff … but he gets none of the benefits. While I feel relationships benefit women more than men, there are some benefits for us (and not always sex) such as monogamy, emotional support and  well something … but the FAB gets none. In addition, your probably dating other guys that pale in comparison to this guy, and love to tell him all about it.

Yes, this poor excuse of a man is your FAB. You think he is your friend, your convinced he is nothing more than a buddy, you would even put money on it … but really he is just too soft let his intentions known. Women love attention, time, emotions, and all that soft mushy stuff. This sucker thinks if he provides them to you long enough, he will eventually win your heart … but this poor chump is mistaken.

As a case study, I will use the #1 FAB of all time … Steve Urkel. Actually, he had a step up on a lot of these “new age FABs” … because he was quick to tell Laura he loved her. There was no doubt in her mind. In Laura’s case, she decided to continue treating Steve as a friend. Maybe she thought if she acted like it and believed hard enough … Steve would eventually give up his infatuation and become nothing more than a friend. Poor Steve.

I plea with any woman reading this … please let these poor guys go. Let them move on and actually pursue someone who likes them back. The primary excuse given to me by females when presented with this is “I can’t control him. If he wants to mow my lawn and take out my trash … that's on him. He should know I’m not interested”. But the thing you fail to realize is … this poor guy is incapable of letting go.

As a guy, deciphering a woman’s real feelings towards you is a science. Yes, there are still some good honest women who just want to find a good man, don’t play games, and know how to treat a man. They are the ones you want to marry, mother your children, and spend all your time and energy on … and they deserve it.

Sadly, a large portion of the female population aren’t quite as perfect. Its easy that the girl your talking to or spending time and money on doesn’t really like you, but just wants attention, your money, or a FAB (fake ass bboyfriend, I'll discuss this later). I touched on this before with Indicators of Interest, but this is the cheat sheet. Its important to weed them out, so here are 5 little tips to help weed them out.

She Actually Calls You Without Asking for Something

Women hate calling men they don’t like. Its a waste of time for them, and the whole time they will be rolling their eyes as you talk and thinking “why am I on the phone”. They will seem distant and uninterested. And if every call is just to set up a date at a restaurant or to ask for money or gifts, leave her alone, she's not for you! Turn and run completely!

On the flip side, if she really likes you (and is mature), she will want to talk to you and return your calls and even initiate a conversation. If her number never comes up on your phone … think about it.

She Pays for Something … Anything

If she is just looking to use you, she will not pay for anything. Also, paying for a man is like a cardinal sin for 90% of women. It doesn’t have to be significant or major, even if its the popcorn and drinks at the movies, it is significant. If she offers to buy you dinner, then rest easy my friend … she likes you.

She Invites You Over to Spend the Night

You might have sex with her this time, but that's okay (I'm not judging). A woman (and most men) don’t want some stranger they don’t like in their house, so if your invited in that means something. If you are invited over and then told to spend the night (in the same room), there is a chance that she likes you. Someone who doesn’t want you in their living space and always wants to meet at Ruth’s Chris (or some equally pricey restaurant or bar) … is probably playing you. Drop her.

She Does Something She Knows Only You Will Like

This is basic and gender neutral, but very significant when done by a woman for a man. A woman is not going to waste her time actual listening to your likes and interests if she does not like you … let alone actually act on them. If she takes to time to buy, arrange, plan, or just find that one thing that is particular to you … good chance she likes you. It also counts if its something that all guys like, but most women hate ( like that threesome you always wanted).

She Leans In to Kiss You

Very Significant! A woman kissing you is by itself is a sign, because while we think “would I sleep with her” … women think “would I kiss him”. But don’t be fooled, you can surprise her and she may kiss you back out of a feeling of commitment or obligation. If you lean in, but not all the way … and she comes towards you to kiss you … that's powerful. That means she wants to kiss you, and likes you enough to actually come to you.

This one is for the guys. Take these … use them … and feel free to add, argue, on anything I have to say … but at the end of the day … if she shows all 5 … 95% she actually likes you and isn’t trying to play you.