The Makings of a Man

Only Kanye West would have an album cover like this.

Kanye West is ready to celebrate again, but not in the way many come to expect. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is not casually titled. West’s fifth studio album is a sinister, orchestral, hugely pompous affair that owes as much to the artist's self-aggrandizing ego as to the voracious id that would destroy it publicly (yes step your vocabulary up).

Exhibit A: West to album cover portraitist George Condo: "Look, I'm a let you finish, but can you make me look even douchier?"

West is without question a prince among narcissists. He has never been afraid to marvel at, pose questions to, or generally bask in the inner folds of his psyche, but there was only one way to interpret the early message sent by "Runaway." He calls himself an asshole, in the chorus of an epic, piano-driven single. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is filled with similar moments, as if West is working from a checklist of his faults. Workaholic. Commitment-phobe. Loose cannon. Substance abuser.

On "Dark Fantasy," the album's opening track, he raps:

"The plan was to drink until the pain over / But what's worse, the pain or the hangover? / Fresh air, rolling down the window / Too many Urkels on your team, that's why your Wins-low."

See what he did there? Loss becomes win.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, West’s rather complex drama -- an extrovert's attempt to invert what's internal -- wouldn't work so well without an equally complicated score, or with one that simply contrasted his increasingly greater vision-of-self against triumphant rant.
This album's production is loud and proud, but also poignant and gripping that always hinting at some looming danger. You can hear it in those tempering first moments -- where Nicki Minaj delivers a cracked fairytale rap over a chorus of angels and demons -- and also in the closer, "Who Will Survive in America," which samples, at length, Gil Scott-Heron oratory about the death of a nation's blind idealism (or perhaps West's).

The tracks in-between is just as dark, twisted, and beautiful. There's "Power," a contemplation on fame and obsolescence that cleverly quotes King Crimson's "21st Century Schizoid Man." "All of the Lights," wrangles everyone from Elton John to Rihanna to help tell a story about a man whose selfishness drives his family away. "Lost in the World," transforms Bon Iver's melancholic "Woods" into a perversely bright experimental dance track. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is not a flawless album. Too many songs dash around or hover past the six-minute mark. The guest list on posse cuts "Monster" and "So Appalled" could've been pared down. West could've skipped the three-minute solo on "Runaway" altogether.

From the looks of things, West is not claiming to be flawless anymore. He's trying to make a masterpiece. Trying to be honest with us. Trying to be honest with himself. Trying to figure out if he's closer to God or to something else entirely. Far more important than his aim, however, is the fact that he tries at all. The Grammy’s, the platinum packs, the tickets stub from all the arenas he's rocked -- they aren't laurels to be rested on. They're a jagged, unbalanced bed that West could spend a lifetime squirming over, perhaps finding only 60 or so minutes of thorny comfort at a time. That's eternally daunting news for him. But for us, it's a blessing.

Rating: 9 out of 10

As I have gotten older, I have realized the importance of religion. While in undergrad, I was exposed to a variety of other beliefs that I never knew existed. I mean you have Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, atheists, etc. However, one thing that really baffles me is that with all these discrepancies in religions, people still have a hard time admitting that they made an honest mistake.

Admitting that you are not perfect should be a requirement in everyone's life. Perhaps I'm preaching to the choir, but I cannot recall anyone walking this planet as "perfect." As I type this, I think back on some of the mistakes I have made in my life. In particular, during my younger days, I used to think that everything would fall right into place in my life. Boy was I wrong.

Oh my goodness, he's got to be the sickest man in western New York

What intrigued me last night while I was watching SportsCenter was the audacity that one player had to say over a mistake he made. Buffalo Bills wide receiver, Steve Johnson, dropped a potential game-winning touchdown pass in overtime of a game against the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers went on to win the game by a field goal.

Johnson was obviously upset after the drop as well as after the game. He had the audacity to blame God for his mistake. Just when I think I've heard (or in this case read) it all, something is bound to prove otherwise. I'm used to hearing people thanking God after a personal achievement, but to blame Him after a loss? That's absurd. I may be wrong, but I'm not real sure that God is overly concerned with sporting events or played any role in Johnson taking his eyes off the ball. I guess Johnson lives in a consequence-free world where all errors can be blamed on a supreme being. That's like me blaming God for allowing me to fail an accounting test; utter and complete foolishness.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know I did. Class, I’ve come to a realization of things. There are times in which enlightenment will hit you in the most random of times. So without further a due, I’ll bring your lesson for today (or at least I’ll try, still high off of turkey [ Tryptophan] here).

Here in the United States, today is a special day: Black Friday. Black Friday is an unofficial holiday, celebrated on the day after Thanksgiving that marks the beginning of the Christmas holiday season. As many of you have heard on the news or online, many retailers open early (often 4am or even earlier) and offer promotional sales to kick-off the shopping season. Virtually every mall, outlet, retail store, etc is witnessing disruptive pedestrian and vehicle traffic in hopes of catching a bargain.

Now these bargains are great to an extent, however, the one issue I have with the Black Friday madness is that retailers only have a few big-draw items available for sale on the day after Turkey Day. So essentially, the promotions hype a shopper up, get their adrenaline going, only to have a crash feeling like how a Red Bull would hours after consumption. Injuries and deaths have also occurred in these human stampedes. All this over a few retail promotional deals. So being the “philosopher of life” that I am, I began to wonder how would things be if we applied the same energy and logic that we use on Black Friday in our personal relationships.

Now granted, I totally understand that Black Friday is about shopping. But hear me out; if we applied the same attention and energy for shopping, that we do in our relationships, we would be happier. For example, prior to Black Friday, you are working on your roadmap of retail stores you will go to. If it is a mall, you are probably drawing your plan of attack either in your head or on paper. When was the last time you have written anything to or about your significant other? When was the last time you have communicated with him/her? I’m not talking about a “what are we eating” or an “I’m just trying to get some sex” conversation. I mean a real, intimate, genuinely honest conversation. Face to face, no texting, BBM’ing or other forms of electronic communication. These advances of technology that help us “communicate” can also hurt the quality of that communication, especially in romantic relationships (I’ll have to discuss communication in another post).

But it strikes me as odd that a couple can stand in line for hours in hopes of getting a new 60” TV for under $2,000, but they can’t even talk about their love for one another for free-ninety-nine. There’s obviously something wrong if a female wants you to spend $129 or more on a new digital camera if she can’t pick up the phone to call and have a simple conversation with you. We live in a materialistic world. A world in which money and material possessions outweigh interpersonal relationships and no-holds barred communication.

I’m not here to judge your actions, but help improve your reactions. So while you are standing in those lines, or even shopping online….I want you to ask yourself: does your relationship have insufficient funds? Just like at your job, you have to work to receive your reward (paycheck), but have you really worked on your relationship lately? Or are you just going through the motions, waiting aimlessly for something (good or bad) to happen? For those in relationships, try to put the same effort you put in shopping into upgrading your relationship…after all, the return lines are longer the day after Christmas than the lines to purchase the products on Black Friday. In other words, the work you put into your relationships now will benefit you in the future, but it is up to you to control what happens in your relationship. Is your relationship like the true meaning of Christmas, or a glorified commercialized item that will be junk in less than two months?

Happy holidays and feel free to comment.

---Class Dismissed

My role model, Henry "Hank" Aaron

I never doubted my ability, but when you hear all your life you're inferior, it makes you wonder if the other guys have something you've never seen before. If they do, I'm still looking for it.---Henry "Hank" Aaron

The gentleman must always remain fully cognizant of what delivered him to the pinnacle of his achievements. He must never lose sight of the skills he was blessed with that enabled him to become successful. It would be terribly negligent for the gentleman to ignore his unique talents and capabilities based solely on the negative opinion of naysayers.

Understand that the aptitude that you display in a particular area may in fact be coveted by other individuals. So, they seek to undermine the very qualities that make you special. They strive to inject poisonous thoughts of self-doubt. They strive to cripple self-esteem with hurtful and destructive language. And even if the gentleman has yet to taste the rewards of success, others may recognize your hidden potential and work tirelessly to shut it down. Don't let them.

The distinguished gentleman is definitely not inferior. Actually, his loudest critics may be suffering from an inferiority complex and is practicing the art of projection. Don't allow their anxiety to become yours. Understand your talents and utilize them to the utmost maximum degree. The same abilities that afforded the gentlemen a level of exactly the ones that will keep him there. Never forget it.



I hope each and every one of you have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving! This will be my seventh year celebrating the holidays without my grandmother. She passed away my senior year of high school and since then, holidays have not been the same.  Nonetheless, I have so much to be thankful for. Enjoy yourselves! :-)

I pride myself in being able to recognize the best in others. I see it as a testament of my taste level. I can’t stress enough the importance of surrounding yourself with energy that supports your goals. Older folks used to say, “You can’t soar with eagles if you’re walking around with chickens.” Unfortunately, I have encountered countless chickens thus far in life.

If there is someone in your life who is a straight up “chicken”, don’t cater to their foolishness, just press the delete button and move the cursor to the next website in your life. You cannot have any offenses or stumbling blocks along your path that do not need to be there. I know it’s hard to leave stuff, trust me, I know.
Sometimes when we hold on to stuff, we delay God from blessing us and it’s a lot like a leech, not helping us at all, just sucking all of the blood and energy within us. Once the leech has gotten what it wants; then it falls off, satisfied with its work.

The same logic can be applied when it comes to helping certain people, its okay to help someone, until it comes to a point where you become drained. God never intends for your helping others to become a burden to yourself.

You have to be careful, even if someone is putting the right stuff on the table, is that what God has called for you at this point in time?

It’s important for we (as humans) to understand the moment, the season, the context in which God has laid us in and who and what to be surrounded by.

I had to learn the hard way that there are some people that you just have to let go of and step aside—because they can obstruct where God is trying to take you. There have been times when I’ve had to separate myself from certain family members, childhood friends, and people in general who brought negative energy into my life. It’s not always easy, but very necessary.

If you know you are the best, it only makes sense for you to surround yourself with the best. NO EXCEPTIONS!

---Class Dismissed

Fitness is not easy. It takes dedication, commitment, hard work, and consistency. Aristotle said:

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.

One of my favorite quotes, because this pertains to all areas of life, including fitness. It is our habits that derail us from reaching our goals. We develop these bad habits, and repeat them subconsciously, to the point that we don’t even realize that these normal day-to-day occurrences hold us back. Talking with a few people recently, I see these common habits that if changed, will yield immediate results and start them on their way to better and fit living. Here are a few easy tweaks to make to improve your nutrition and fitness.

Eat breakfast

If there’s one nutritional hazard that many people have, it’s not eating breakfast. We all know the excuses: "I have no time", "I hate breakfast", "I can wait until lunch", etc. Breakfast, as cliché as it sounds, is the most important meal of the day. It revs your metabolism up, assisting in fat burning/weight loss, and gives you energy to start your day. Now I’m talking about good meals, so don’t swindle this tip for your own benefit. Start off the day right!

Don't skip meals

Another reason why breakfast is so important is because if you go over three hours without eating, your body goes into starvation mode, retaining fat and making it difficult to burn it off. You should eat five or 6 meals a day (the three basic meals and snacks plus smaller meals) to keep your metabolism active.

Weight Train and Cardio Together

Lifting weights can burn three times as many calories as cardio training. You get an afterburn as well. Some people just lift weights. Some just do cardio. Doing both will maximize your results. Period. It might seem like a lot, but seeing your abs for the first time ever, may motivate you to push yourself harder.

These are three easy changes to implement into your schedule. The hardest part is breaking out of your normal habits and making these changes your new habit. Focus and make it happen!

Any tips you have that have worked for you?

I remember in undergrad actually having to convince some of my female friends the club wasn’t a good place to look for a potentional boyfriend. To me, I was shocked that I had to actually argue this point. I thought it was clear to everyone that the club was for finding one night stands, jumpoffs, and bucket heads … not Ms. (or Mr.) Right.

Why is the club tailored to those looking for temporary love? What is it about the club that is poisonous to the creation of true love? Why is any relationship formed in the club almost always doomed to fail? Simply put, the "club mentality."

I can’t speak for everyone, every club, everywhere, but generally speaking, the club is the definition of  “the frenzy." There is a lot of liquor involved, it’s an environment solely focused on social interactions between men and women. The music is too loud for conversation. Lights are dim and vision is blurred. It’s one of the few places you can walk behind a female, start grind on her butt without permission, and not be arrested or cut.

The rules, laws, and social norms that are upheld on “the outside”  simply don’t apply here. Its a different world.

A lot of guys go to the club to take a girl home with them that night and disposed of right after. They are often the most aggressive as well. In addition, as a guy, you know more “club” females are going to be open to conversation as opposed to the “real world” females … so you don’t have to worry about “bothering” someone. While physically abusing a girl is still just as wrong, all those overly aggressive moves you had to retire are now allowed and expected. Also, for some reason, a fight is now a possibility. While at work you are calm, on the road you let people pass you, but in the club … let someone scuff your sneakers or spill your drink … then you have a misunderstanding!

Ladies, you know that someone is going to disrespect you. Your butt will be grabbed, someone is going to pull your arm and not want to let go, and somebody is going to be just a little too aggressive about getting your number. A guy is going to come up to you and start “dancing”...which is closer to sex than anything else, but for some reason … tonight its okay. And while you are open to conversation from any cute guy who is “acting right” … you also prepared a set of statements for those “showing their ass”.

In both cases, you're not thinking or acting logically. You're not the same person that you are at work, or in the grocery store, or while walking down the street. For some, the thought of sleeping with someone you have known for less than 24 hours suddenly seems more appealing to you. However once that liquid courage (alcohol) gets in the system … a mild-mannered guy suddenly becomes "Mr. Pouring Champagne on and Chick in Sight" (SMDH), kicking girls away from the table while replacing them, all while threatening death on a bouncer.

Not only is the person you meet at the club not a valid representation of this person in real life, but its hard to take anyone as serious in the club. I’m thinking about different things, the standards your getting judged by are significantly different, and honestly … even if you meet Ms. Right …you still might do something stupid and probably will ruin something that could have been beautiful.

I will say, there are certain lounges, happy hours, and upscale restaraunts that can provide a relatively healthy meeting place for single individuals, but that isn’t the norm. Are you still looking for that special someone at the club? Is club you the same person at the 9 to 5? Can you even take someone you meet in the club serious?

One quality that every gentleman should possess is the ability to work magic in the kitchen. Man should not exist on hamburgers and hot dogs alone. I understand, we have all been there; working with a limited budget trying to tackle the world. Ramen Noodles can become a gentleman's closest friend in the grocery aisle. Well, I will now start offering tips for the kitchen impaired male. What better place can we start other than scrambled eggs? Quick. Easy. Simple. This innocent dish can evolve into a nightmare if the gentleman is not cautious. Runny uncooked eggs is not the desired result that the gentleman wants.

My first foray into the kitchen began with preparing breakfast. My first mission was to identify and successfully scramble eggs. This is where one could run into trouble. After beating my eggs and adding salt and pepper to taste, I would heat the skillet with butter and pour in my eggs. The problem was the skillet was never hot enough and I had to wait for the eggs to cook. The result was awful tasting eggs. I learned that a hot skillet was the key to my dish. I began to use olive oil because it's healthier than butter and doesn't burn as quickly. You don't need a lot; just a drizzle over the entire pan will do.

Once the olive oil begins to lightly smoke, I add my eggs and they began to cook immediately. I invert my spatula and move around the egg mixture until it begins to set. I remove the skillet from the direct heat on the stove top and continue to scramble the eggs. Due to the hot temperature, the eggs will continue to cook even after being removed from heat. I top my eggs with salsa and sour cream to jazz it up a little.
Tips for the fellas:

• Don't over beat your eggs and make them stiff
• Use a plastic spatula if you have a non-stick skillet (avoid scratches)
• Add milk to your egg mixture to make them fluffy
• Serve immediately, cold eggs are not good eggs

I’m not going to waste a lot of time rehashing points that we all know to be true. There's a large number of Black women who dislike white women stealing their men. They don’t like it one bit. Black women have put in significant amounts of work towards supporting their men despite jail, drugs and unemployment. They don’t appreciate it when their men run off with the “oppressor.” Therefore, Black women think that Black men know this and instead of dating white women date Latinas and Asian women. But in summary, Black women believe that their men want the light skin, light eyes and the straight hair and that’s why they date Latinas.

I’m not going to lie to you, the Black male dating pool is thin. Many Black men are in fact in jail or in a life of crime. The number of “educated” Black women largely outnumbers the amount of “educated” Black men. Black women love them some brothers so they are aggressive and protective of their men. If there are six Black women for every one qualified Black male, then when half of those Black men are dating Latinas, there are now twelve Black women for every qualified Black male. Desperate times, call for desperate measures.

Racist Black women attack Latinas on everything. They attack them on, intellect, language, looks, and even how they treat their men. I’ve been told that Black men only date Latinas because they have an accent and don’t speak English well. I would be lying if I didn’t hear a man brag about that every now and then. But there is nothing that a Latina can do to change that. If a man finds her accent to be cute and that’s why he is with her, trust me, it will not last. Furthermore, we can spend hours discussing if people living in the United States whose first language is not English, would rather not speak English or would enjoy the opportunity to learn English better. I choose the latter.

Some Black women believe that Latinas get men because they have straight hair, lighter skin, or lighter eyes. That’s just ridiculous… Latinas come in every size, shape, color, and texture possible. However, and this is really important that we understand this point, we cannot, will not, condone the judgment or the characterization of people based solely on their looks. It’s dangerous territory for any Black person to be operating under those misconceptions. And so I’m going to have to raise a card on this one too and say that Black women are guilty of this one too.

Have you ever heard this? “Only a Black woman can love a Black man the way he needs to be loved. Because only a Black person knows what it means to be Black in this world.” Once again attacking someone’s intelligence, attacking someone’s ability to understand, and further separating people of color in America. I don’t like that claim one bit! My family taught me what it meant to be a Black man, and they also taught me how to stand on my own two feet and be Black man. I’m sorry I do not need my woman to help me, or teach me, or inform me, what being Black in this world is about.

The last thing I’m going to touch on is the belief that all Latinas want from Black men is money and sex. Well, we can take money out of the equation, because we make far less than some other races. Maybe more than Latin men, but certainly less than white or Asian Americans. The sex, Black sexuality is such a touchy subject. It’s offensive to Black men when you reduce a woman’s attraction to us to just sex. Black men don’t need Black women to tell them that some women outside of their race only wants them for sex. And it’s racist towards Latinas to accuse them of trying to make Black men into their Big Black Buck.

One of the things I always like to bring up is that Latinas aren’t approaching Black men. Black men are approaching Latinas. I think when a Black woman finds that her hate has been displaced on a Latina, she might want to look inside the organization first. No offense, but a person looks so silly when they’re defending someone who isn’t defending themselves… willing to fight for something that isn’t interested in fighting for themselves. Ladies let me tell you something, Latinas are not heroin or crack cocaine, you are not saving Black men from themselves by refusing to let them date Latinas. It’s just a woman; it’s who he might fall in love with, it’s who he might be attracted to, it’s who he might choose to marry. Stop coming up with racist reasons for why a Black man chooses to date a Latina, matter fact, stop worrying about Black men who have chosen to not date you. Worry about the Black men who want to date you, all others are irrelevant.

Your entire outfit has been carefully selected and is ready for showcase. Your shoes are polished, the pants are pressed, and your crisp dress shirt awaits you. You slide into your outfit and give yourself a once over in the mirror, but something is not quite right. Your dress shirt is not cooperating. You feel like you are being asphyxiated by your dress collar. Your sleeves bear an uncanny likeness to the great Pee Wee Herman. Gentlemen, you are not alone. Not all men wear dress shirts on a regular basis, so some have absolutely no idea what those numbers mean in the inside of their dress shirt collar. I'll explain those mysterious numbers that read 17 36/37.

The number above is actually my own dress shirt size. The first number represents my neck size and the second set of numbers represent my sleeve length. Both numbers are in inches. Some men remember a long lost number from high school and proceed to take an educated guess from there. If the gentleman has either gained or loss weight through the years; it is in his best interest to have the proper measurements taken by a professional salesperson. This could be what stands between you looking like you stumbled into your big/little brother's closet and looking like a true gentleman.

• Take into consideration that dress shirts may shrink after several washings. Allow final sizing to make up for possible shrinkage.
• You should be able to fit 1-2 fingers comfortably between your collar and neck.
• Sleeves should reach the base of the thumb and cover entire wrist. Your sleeve shouldn't retract when bending your elbow.

I love natural hair!!!

I tend to think that I’m a simple man. I don’t ask for or look for too much when it comes to the appearance of women. Like most of you, I just want to date someone who I find attractive and avoid drama and tomfoolery. Granted, that’s not something you can get a feel for by just looking at someone most of the time (emphasis on most). Right now, I want to discuss something that I notice right away and something that I always hear women critique each other about with no remorse. I want to discuss hair. I’m not talking about a bushy bush, chest hair, or armpit furr. I’m talking about what grows on the head. Buttcheeks and breasts are nice, but the hair does say a lot about the woman.

My history says that I’m man that likes nice long hair. I have been infatuated by Latina and Asian women with the longer and sleeker hairs ever encountered by man. However, within the last four years, I’ve recently developed an affinity for the short hair look on a woman, which is something that I used to frown upon. I used to see a chick with short hair and automatically assume they were on the "Uber Africa" or "Uber Strong Black Woman" tip. Or…they may be lesbian. As I evolved, this immature and juvenile thought process changed. I no longer give that screw face (not the good kind) when I see the short cut.

Short hair, to me, exudes a whole different level of confidence. It also requires a completely different type of maintenance. It gives me one less thing to tug on, and perhaps that’s for the better in the heat of the moment when I’m in beast mode. That aside, I can dig a woman who goes to the barber every week to two weeks to keep the edge clean. This isn’t to say that a woman who goes to the barber or beautician less than this is a hot ghetto mess. Some women just have it like that where their hair does whatever they tell it to do without much effort or thought.

Nowadays natural hair, whether shorter, medium length, or longer, is a winner. I’m not necessarily talkin’ about Afros with a Black Power fist or Rage. I’m talkin’ about women who when I see them, I can appreciate what they do with their hair without doing too much. Interpret that however you may. I can also say the same thing when I see a woman with nice long flowing and shiny hair that bounces with each step that she takes. I can also say that I think the bouncy hair thing is overrated. Regardless, I just have a much greater appreciation for the diversity of hair styles and lengths. I just can’t stress enough how much the hair can say about the person.

Most of us are also at a point where our jobs and our quests for status dictate how we manage our appearance. I know there are law firms and other professional environments (sales is another occupational example) where women will not get the job or be favorably looked upon if they do not keep their hair long, bouncy, and shiny. It’s a factor for discrimination whether folks are aware of it or not. I’m willing to bet that there are less sexual harassment cases out there where women with short and natural hair are filing the complaints. And lastly, it’s a factor for female competitive criticism even though that’s a beast for a different day.

So for right now, I’m wondering what the women who visit this site do with their hair on the regular? What’s your look? I’m also wonderin’ what you think when you see another woman’s hair in public and how that shapes your assumptions or thoughts about the person. Should some women stay away from certain hair styles? For the men, how much emphasis do you place on a woman’s hair? Is it a big deal for you or is it whatever? Let’s discuss. Our lives depend on it!
Oh snap...I see dem waves girl,

Class Dismissed

Allen Edmonds Passenger, original retail $230.00

If the gentleman is in the market for a nice pair of casual open lace oxfords, I would like to alert you to the pair above. Originally retailing for $230.00, Sierra Trading Post is now offering this handsome pair of Allen Edmonds for $148.95. My own experience with Allen Edmonds has been a positive one. Expertly crafted, Allen Edmonds offers a great affordable shoe that will last you a lifetime. During that lifetime, they even offer a recrafting service that promises to restore any AE brand to near new condition. If you are looking for a shoe that will take you from casual Fridays through the weekend, the AE Passenger just may be the shoe for you. For more detailed information, please click HERE to access the Sierra Trading Post site. For recrafting information please click HERE to access the Allen Edmonds site.

Wright as Dominican Drug Lord Peoples Hernandez in "Shaft"

You’ve seen him, but you haven’t really seen him. You vaguely know the face, but you can’t quite place the name. You are certain you have seen him in Shaft, The Manchurian Candidate, Syriana, and Casino Royale. He has shared the big screen with cinematic heavyweights such as George Clooney, Al Pacino, Samuel Jackson, and Denzel Washington. From heroin addicted artist to civil rights leader, this distinguished gentleman has tackled both diverse and complex roles. Jeffrey Wright just may be the best actor that you have never heard of. Wright plays Jean-Michel Basquiat in “Basquiat” in the picture below.


Wright plays Jean-Michel Basquiat in “Basquiat”

With a bachelor’s degree in Political Science, Wright chose to forgo law school and try his hand at acting in both theater and cinema. What followed was a series of critically acclaimed performances where he portrayed gay nurse Norman Arriga in Angels in America, Martin Luther King, Jr. in Boycott, and Jean-Michel Basquiat in Basquiat.

Wright as Attorney Bennett Holiday in "Syriana"

Do you want a guaranteed way of ruining an otherwise great outfit? Try having a pair of wrinkled trousers on for size. Purchasing a quality steamer can be quite expensive and space heavy. The Gentlemen's Standard has a suggestion that will pay dividends and banish wrinkled pants from your wardrobe.

What you will need

• iron
• ironing board
• aluminum foil
• spray bottle
• white cloth

Remove the padding or cover that comes with the ironing board. Line the entire top surface of the ironing board with the aluminum foil. Place cover back on the ironing board. Your layers should now consist of cover, aluminum foil, and ironing board. Lay out your trousers and place white cloth on the area to be steamed. Turn your iron to the proper setting and fill your spray bottle with water. Spray the appropriate area and iron accordingly. The heat from the iron will create a steam that will be deflected off the aluminum foil and back into your pants; your wrinkles will be knocked right out. You will also have the added benefit of not putting direct heat on the pants itself and having water rust out your iron. You will find that your ironing has just got simpler and faster; a clean pair of freshly pressed pants is always fly.

dis·cre·tion  (d -skr sh n) n. 1. The quality of being discreet; circumspection. 2. Ability or power to decide responsibly. 3. Freedom to act or judge on one’s own: All the decisions were left to our discretion.

If you take a look around the internet, it seems as though individuals just do not about privacy. Twitter expose’s, Facebook status testimonials, and numerous other instances show that people have no more discretion left in this world. In a time where technological advances occur rapidly, we must remain cognizant of our personal information and “incriminating evidence” that can be easily accessible on the internet for an eternity. Thankfully, I will provide some guidelines to discretion for the modern era.

Any pictures or videos you send can and will be used against you

I couldn't stress this enough. While some guys revel in the artistic beauty of #TittyTuesdays and #ThongThursdays on Twitter, I could never understand how (or why) women would send those type of pictures and post them on the Internet. What’s worse is when you send these pictures to men that you know, making an improper judgement of their character. Next thing you know, that little precious intimate photo is the pride and joy of his entire crew!

Men, you aren’t any better. This new phenomenon of sending pictures of your penis to women… when did this start? When did this become the new hot trend on the street? Foolishness, let me tell you a secret: All her girlfriends have seen that picture, all of her gay friends have seen that picture, and all of her platonic male friends know that you “be sending your dick all on the net”! They especially clown if you’re packing a pea shooter bro. Not cool.

It’s even worse with these videos. Some people have blue movies shot of unsuspecting men and women everyday.  Candid camera is alive and well in 2010.  Ask Kat Stacks, it’s not that hard to shoot a video and incriminate an unsuspecting individual. We as a whole need to smarten up!

My Advice: If you MUST send these pictures, at least take your face out of them! That way you can deny anything that may trickle onto places not for your liking. If you post these pictures or videos of your own free will, don’t be mad when people you don’t want to see you in spread eagle ask about your trip to Mardi Gras.  I mean, let's ask Brett Favre about discretion. 

Text messages can be a recipe for disaster

In 2010, we are a bunch of text messaging, Blackberry Messaging, GChatting, Pinging, and emailing individuals. These short messages can carry conversations for hours as we look to multitask. Hell, many people don’t even like to talk on the phone anymore! With this convenient method of communication, we also have gotten lax and comfortable in the types of conversation.

People do dirt daily. Not everybody has a written record of said dirt. When you dudes looking to setup a rendezvous with your  side chick, or you ladies don’t want Ray Ray finding out about your one night with Leon that “you didn’t count because you didn’t cum”, you leave yourself vulnerable to the swindle. For people with smartphones, you can now screen capture, forward texts, send text conversations via email, save chats on the computer, or a host of other ways to keep information secure just in case you need to ether someone. How many stories have you heard about an email chain forward in an office that got someone fired? Let’s not forget the AIM Window Oops Factor (AWOF). The AWOF takes you to the day when an AIM window with a new message would pop-up while you were typing to someone else. Imagine typing a message to a female about how she rode you real crazy-like last night, only to have your girlfriend reply “Umm...what are you talking about?” Yeah, NOT the business. I’ve mistakenly texted wrong people (stories for another day) so I know about this pitfall all too well.

My Advice: Do what you do, but be smart! Show proper due diligence when sending text messages of any kind so you don’t have to yell oops.

Computer Etiquette

If I had a dollar for every story I heard about a woman catching a man cheating because he used her computer to chat with other women, or look at naked pictures, I’d be a multi millionaire. When will people learn that saving passwords, downloading pictures onto a computer, internet browsing history, and other aspects of computer use are as easy to conceal as they are to be discovered? I mean, I’ve heard stories of dudes leaving entire photo albums of other females on their wife's computer. Let that marinate for a second. There might not be any helping these people but I will try.

My Advice: Use your own computers…or just read a book. Well, reading a book just may be the best option.

I know I’m not the only one to notice these internet transgressions. You guys got any other examples or tips?

When it comes down to patterns, mixing different patterns can prove to be a daunting assignment. Some gentlemen view pattern mixing to be as complicated as Chinese arithmetic. I am here to inform the gentleman that it doesn't have to be. Patterns don't have to be so intimidating, when done correctly and properly; the end result can display an understated maverick elegance. Above, Jay-Z deftly juggles three patterns to comprise a smart and intelligent look.

Why This Works

The ensemble presented here consists of three patterns: stripe, polka dot, and glen plaid. Jay-Z wears a striped dress shirt with a striped tie. The key here when mixing similiar patterns is appropriate scale. Notice the stripes in his dress shirt is narrower than the stripes in his necktie. He uses his glen plaid sportcoat to frame the entire outfit and bring out the lavender in both shirt and necktie. The dress shirt stripes are also small enough, so it doesn't compete with the lines in the sportcoat. The cherry on the top would definitely be his purple polka dot handkerchief that pulls everything into balance. Dark enough to bring sharp contrast, but also small enough to disrupt the outfit. From the color and the pattern, this outfit is an absolute winner. Mixing patterns should be a talent that any gentleman that can employ to his benefit.

Class, I want to thank you for all your love and support regarding this blog. Your clicks, comments, emails, and tweets are greatly appreciated. On that note, I would like to expand my audience and provide my blogging talents to the Wordpress world. Please do not feel betrayed, I love Blogger and this blog will stay active and I will continue to redefine how men of color approach life and style. Thank you all and I love you all. In the meantime, please visit my Wordpress blog here. Bookmark it and enjoy.

Gentlemen, I highly endorse this.

I know what you are thinking. Why does Dr. Q have St. Ives Apricot Scrub on his blog? Isn’t that a product you would probably find in the women’s section of CVS or Walgreens? You are exactly right. As a matter of fact, during my undergrad years a roommate asked me if I ever tried exfoliating. My initial reaction was a simple….huh? Exfoliate, what the heck was that? He explained that it was a process that removed old dead skin cells on the skin’s outermost surface to reveal fresher skin cells underneath. It helped remove dirt, oil, and dead skin cells that can clog your pores, while giving your skin a healthy glow and radiance.

I must admit, after plenty of females (and one particular love interest at the time) have complented my skin, this is where my male-ego began to take control. I pictured myself, gently rubbing my skin with great care as I applied the exfoliants so my skin could feel new and refreshed. Thanks, but no thanks. This wasn’t exactly the manly ritual of shaving; you know taking a straight edge blade and raking it across your face drawing blood in the process. Men relish in the knowledge of our perceived high tolerance of pain and if drawing blood with a blade in our hand is confirmation, then so be it!! Yet, that girly looking tube in the bathroom cabinet had me curious.

I began to talk things over with my lady-friend about exfoliating. I mean, her skin was soft you know. So, one night she allowed me to try some of her facial exfoliating scrub. I could really see a difference in my complexion. When she confronted me about buying some of my own; I pinned the blame on a GQ magazine. Hey, if it’s in GQ; it must be cool…right?

My skin tone was no longer dull and rough. My skin was fresher, smoother, and softer. If any gentlemen are having a difficult time digesting this; I have the perfect alibi for purchasing some facial scrub. Exfoliation actually aids in better and smoother shaving (if you have excess facial hair). Your blade doesn’t have to cut through all that dirty debris to cut the hairs on your face. Less shaving time means less irritation. If you are a man of color who is prone to razor bumps; this can be very helpful. The gentleman should at least give it a chance, why be dull and dry. Exfoliating can be your little secret, plus you just gave your lady another reason to caress you.

Tips to Remember

• Exfoliate 1-2 times per week
• Never use body scrubs on the face because they are more abrasive
• Gentle exfoliants are available for delicate skin
• Use moisturizer afterwards to rehydrate the skin
• In a pinch? Baking soda and water can be used as an exfoliating paste that saves time & money

This pool blue is a fresh option for gentlemen braving the autumn elements.

Autumn in North Carolina. The temperature continues to fluctuate from week to week. The temperature may shift from the 50′s through the 70′s and back down to the 50′s. For those cool mornings, mild afternoons, and chilly evenings; the classic fit long sleeved polo would serve the gentleman well. Offered in 27 colors; this is regularly priced at $79.50. Right now, the gentlemen can purchase it for $34.99. This gentleman would definitely go with pool blue, mandarin, or puritan gold as his choice of colors to add to his wardrobe. For more detailed information please click here.

Paul Stuart Light Blue Paisley tie $118.50


I’ve been looking to jazz up my necktie collection for the spring season. At the top of my list is the paisley necktie. Fun and at the same time serious; the paisley can give a pop to an otherwise conservative look. Conversely, it can enhance an already vibrant and playful ensemble. Pictured are some looks that the gentleman may want to explore at his preferred place of shopping.  


Banana Republic Blue Paisley $39.99





Banana Republic Orange Paisley $59.50

There used to be a time when people just didn’t mix. There used to be a time when every Latin person in America was called, “Mexican.” If you are from up north, you know that this used to lead to fights because the Puerto Ricans been around since West Side Story. But Black folks just called everyone, “Mexican.” My grandfather still does. Aside, isn’t it funny that someone will be like, “I’m 100% Puerto Rican” but be from B Brooklyn? I just think that’s so funny. Black folks used to have some ish that they could call their own. It was probably like one Latino in your neighborhood, maybe one. Think back in the day, I remember my elementary school and there was one latina.  She was Columbian. Black people used to have basketball, now Al Horford and Greivis Vasquez are rising to prominence. We used to have football, now Mark Sanchez is here. We had rap, but Daddy Yankee is the highest selling hip hop artist worldwide. Everybody listens to Daddy Yankee, “A ella le gusta la gasolina … da me mas gasolina!” And we used to have women, Halle Berry wasn’t pushed out, Eva Mendes and Rosario Dawson just showed appeared from virtually nowhere. Halle took her ball and went home. Last but certainly not least, Melyssa Ford and Angel Lola Luv have got to be pissed because Rosa Acosta and Suelyn Medeiros came in with hammers and demanded to be seen. It’s like my grandfather always said, “Here’s the difference between Black people and Latinos, Black people were brought here, Latinos…they came here.”Or as George Lopez said, so eloquently, “We ain't going no...wheres!”

Anyway, it’s Hispanic Heritage Month and in true Latin form, they didn’t take a month, they decided to just carve it out where they wanted it. September 15th to October 15th, not September, not October, they made sure to get three paychecks in there.

Now, Black women may have an issue when a Latina walks in the room. In college, they used to call them, “Mira miras.” I always used to laugh about this, but as one Black female said, “They have their salsa and merengue, why don’t they stay the [expletive] over there?!” Because we all know where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And if you thought white girls walking in a party was a neck breaker, look at all the brothers when Latinas walk in the party. I'm going to come back to this in a few days.

Let’s Talk about music for a second...
We had Jimi Hendrix, they brought Carlos Santana. Let the record show, you know how we have Boys II Men, Aventura gets the party popping. Try some Aventura at your next house party and see if it don’t change your life. And don’t forget about that Fat Joe problem we had a few years back. I'm sorry but you can not  try to front like you wasn’t leaning back in the club. But that’s not the dude … the dude is Daddy Yankee. Daddy Yankee gets  an abundance of garden tools and female dogs. There are so many women who love that dude and he’s married! But anyway, reggaeton tore up the charts, we were in the club doing that same dumb reggaeton dance to Rompe, Gasolina and whatever else they could throw on.


Let’s Talk about partying for a minute …
Thank God for the Mexicans! Black people who don’t thank God for the Mexicans have no couth with themselves. Back in the day, we was perfectly fine to have our Colt 45, gin and juice, and the ladies had a little Mystic at the BBQ. A few years later, we was drinking Henny, (Remy as a substitute), and women were throwing back glasses of Moet and wondering why they were pissy drunk. The whole time this was going on, many were smoking weed. Someone is going to argue this with me, and I’m not going to argue back for some private reasons, but trust me, over 85% of the drugs entering the United States come through Mexico. If it wasn’t for the Mexicans there would not be such high volumes of weed.

But no really, thank God for the Mexicans, answer this question; If you really want to get the club popping what do you take shots of? PATRON!!! Patron has changed the game completely. Patron has ecstasy in it too. All this to say, once again let’s toast … actually no, let’s take shots to Hispanic Heritage Month.

Have you ever noticed that when the bell rings for recess every kid sprints to play on their favorite playground equipment? One kid goes to his locker and pulls out his brand new basketball. When he walks on the playground, every one of his classmates gravitates towards him and his new basketball. It’s almost like they forgot about the kickball or the monkey bars, and the slide is now a thing of the past, it’s time to play basketball.

Ever get the feeling that Black men are the same way with Latinas? They seem to drop Black women like an old kickball and move onto the new shiny thing they see. I think the short answer to the question, are Black men obsessed with Latinas is, yes. Speaking of myself personally, I don’t think I am. I find all types of women attractive. I’ve dated women from different parts of the world. I’ve personally said to my friends, “I really don’t think Black women like me.” I believe that people typically will date the people in their environment. And unless you want to toss it up every weekend, you're dating pool is Black women, Latinas, a couple of white women, and an occasional Asian chick.

I think that some Black men are obsessed with Latinas though. I think stereotypes about long (real) hair, and lighter skin do exist. People believe that having kids with Latinas will produce better looking kids. However, this surely goes both ways. I think that most men who are obsessed with Latinas for their looks will soon find out that they come in so many different forms, you’re likely to find that Latinas look just like Black women. I remember as a child I would just get so tickled at, “it was dry and straight, now it’s wet and curly!” I still find this amusing today over 20 years later. Nonetheless, it’s still a dumb reason to be obsessed with Latinas not all of them have curly hair.

I think that some Black men are obsessed with Latinas because of the language. Some people find Spanish, Italian or Portuguese to be romantic languages. But, this has nothing to do with Latinas, I think it’s just that it’s in a different language. If you were dating a girl who spoke Mandarin Chinese and she just went into a rant during coital activities, you would get turned on. I am not sure of the fascination with someone who has an accent, it can be sexy, but I think communication is important to me, it’s more important that I understand what you’re talking about. I’ve never been one to say, “Oh that’s so cute you can’t say 'museum'.” That just seems stupid to me.

I think that Black men perceive Latinas are more submissive. Black women and Latinas listen up, men always think things are greener on the other side. Black women need to own up to their street-cred though. Men of all races tend to believe that Black women have an attitude problem. A lot of men choose to date outside the race because they just can’t deal with that attitude. If you go back to that prior statement I made about Black women not liking me, it’s because to be honest with you, I’m not backing down. If you tell me something that I don’t agree with, I will not be suckered into a confession. Black people we have to be honest, we are confrontational people, we are in your face. Likewise, so are Latinas, women are women, they are all a little unstable, they all are a little too emotional, and they all want what they want.

I think that Black men think that Latinas are more catering to their men. This is just false. I’ll explain. Why do Latinas serve their men? Because that’s how they were raised. If you meet a Latina who was not raised to serve men, guess what happens? You're not getting a Corona until the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl. You can meet several Black women who were raised in homes where the boys were catered to and they will do the same thing. What you should do is check and see how she was raised before making a decision about who you want to date.

I’m getting ready to dive into a can of worms as I try to close this out. So do Black men put up with a Latina’s crap before they will a Black woman’s? This is a good point. If you will let a Latina do it to you, but you don’t let Black women do it, chances are, you have some type of issue. I have had to check myself before and be honest with myself, taking that pin out of her hair and her long black hair flowing all over her back while in the reverse cowboy position just isn’t worth it when she cusses me out right after. A lazy woman is a lazy woman is a useless woman. Having your “Latina” laid up in the house all the time, not doing anything, is not doing anything for you. I need to know that if I go to the trunk to get my .45, my Butter Pecan Puerto Rican (big ups to my 'uncle' Snoop, he was a fool for that line) is going to get the switch blade too. We have to work together.

So I put it all on the table, I’m interested to hear your thoughts. Do you think Black Men are obsessed with Latinas? I’d like to hear from Latinas on this one too.

Anyone who is familiar with me knows that I have an absolute love for neckwear. I am always on the lookout for a beautiful necktie to add to my growing collection. Here, I have paired my Ike Behar necktie with a linen suit and striped dress shirt. The khaki color of the suit serves as a neutral, so the shirt and tie combination take center stage. The two patterns work well together because the dominant gold color of the necktie picks up the subtle yellow stripes in the shirt. The brown stripes in the shirt also plays off the khaki color of the suit.


The scale of the two patterns work together beautifully; as neither pattern overpowers the other. The purple and olive geometric print in the tie gives this outfit a certain "pop" that is attractive to the eye. All three elements of the tie, shirt, and suit match and are in balance. The gentleman should always seek a path of bringing stylish elements of his ensemble together; everything works together without losing individuality. Style and balance; that is of course the Makings of a Man.

Gentlemen, trying to find a casual sport shoe for the fall?  Look no further than the Brooks Brothers casual suede sport shoe. This handsome shoe is on clearance for $124.00 from a regularly priced $248.00. Whether paired with crisp denim jeans or freshly pressed chinos; either choice presents a sporty look. Available in chocolate and tan; this suede shoe would be a welcome addition in any gentleman's closet.

There are things in life that tend to irritate me a great deal. For example; the Washington Redskins beating the Dallas Cowboys, the computer system crashing while I'm working on a homework assignment, and especially shirt collars that won't stay in place. No matter how hard I try to adjust my collars; they just can't stay in place.


While reading Men's Vogue, I saw an advertisement for magnetic collar stays. For the uninformed, collar stays are small inserts placed inside the tips of the shirt collar so that they keep their shape. They can be either metal or plastic; metal is usually the better of the two. While helpful, it does not solve the problem of collars that go astray. Enter Wurkin Stiffs Collar Stays. These are magnetic stays that are inserted into the collar and held in place by a smaller circular magnet underneath the shirt.

No more unwanted butterfly collars. The collar stays remain firmly in place and needs no adjustments. You won't even notice that they are there. While the drama of life still stresses me out. However, my collars are neatly in place.

Why This Works

This outfit consists of a windowpane sportcoat, striped dress shirt, and paisley tie. The windowpane is the dominant pattern while the other two patterns are secondary. Patterns should be mixed to enhance the outfit and not overpower each other. The light blue dress shirt catches the blue in both the tie and sportcoat. The burgundy tie also has hints of olive that coincide with the sportcoat.

Hints for the Gentleman

1) One pattern (preferably the suit) should be dominant in a 3-pattern outfit

2) Pay attention to scale (size of pattern); patterns shouldn't visually compete

3) Look for secondary colors to tie an outfit together

The gentleman should take a second to examine the elegant blend of color and pattern; the goal should be understated yet visually striking.

“I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal! My entire body is hairless.” – Kim Kardashian.

Class, the professor has left for a couple days. That's right I'm taking a brief trip to the beach. Boy, there are still some nice looking bodies down here for it to be early September. And this Mike's Hard Lemonade is tasting quite right as I type this post. But anywho, let's get back to your lesson.

Let's open with a moment of silence, please. With the above quote from Kim Kardashian, I think every man went to a place called his Picture-in-Picture, also known as the PIP. (The PIP is located in the corner of one’s imagination. Have you ever said something to someone and they dazed off into space as if they were looking at something, but you couldn’t see it? They might stare up and to the right, or down and to the left.)

“It’s sort of like a peach picked fresh from the tree after being watered. There are a few droplets of water on this peach, barely noticeable fuzz, but damn I want to eat it.” – Dr. Q.N. Gardner, Esq.

[Looks around… notices that there are other people in the room.]

The first “peach” I ever saw was more like a kiwi, not a coconut. But it was the first coconut I ever seen so what, I didn’t know any better. They told me the good stuff was on the inside. And that’s pretty much how things went from the first time you saw a girl’s private regions until sometime in high school if you were lucky.

I remember my freshman in college, I decided to skip school and go with some upperclassmen to a local lake. As we hung out in the parking lot, some folks smoked weed and others drank beers, women running around in the sand with bikinis, there happened to be an opportunity for me to be silly. As my friend ran past me, my hand reached for her waist and all I got was the string of her bikini and I pulled…

I caught a quick glimpse and I thought, “Is she a Playboy model?” After all, that was the only place I’d ever seen a woman without hair up until this point. You never really get it the first time, it’s only after a few experiences with the trim, shave or wax that you understand that it’s essential that a woman keep the grass cut. Who knew, that growing up we would say, “If there’s grass on the field it’s time to play,” but as we got older that changed to, “I love hockey!” But women want to know why; they want to know what it is about a woman with no hair that turns me on.

I did a little research and came across what is called, “sexual dimorphism.” Simply put, genders are attracted to traits that distinguish the genders. Men are attracted to large breasts, slim waists. Women are attracted to large muscles, a v-shaped body shape, and strong facial features. That’s a damn good reason to me.

I’ll tell you a secret, that wasn’t an 18-year old freshman male who came up with that. I’ll tell you what we came up with in Freshman Seminar; “becasue it's sexy of course!” When a man pulls off a woman’s panties he doesn’t want to feel like he'll undergo an encounter with Bambi and his mother to get to the goods. And given the option of meeting Bambi or sliding across an ice rink, he’s going to choose the latter. There’s also a hygiene factor, (which does not just apply to women), we’re going to make that area wet, and when that wetness gets caught in such a thicket, it has an odor. Logistically speaking, is it easier to slice through a stick of butter with the wrapper on or off? I guess it depends on how sharp your knife is.

Let me stop, I understand how women feel because they don’t want to look like a 12-year old girl. But I know you’re not a 12 year old girl! That’s why you have to request identification (that is unless you're Robert Kelly or perhaps he asks for ID, who knows). I know in the winter it gets cold and you need an extra blanket to keep you warm. As a man, it’s always winter-time, you don’t see me keeping a blanket of loose women around to keep me warm.

And by all means, if you don’t want to do anything about the region that is your decision and no one should make you change that. Just know that there’s a line of women making appointments with their esthetician this weekend, so technically we don’t have to accept nothing less than perfection. (Let me be honest with you, a man will sleep with you even though you haven’t shaved. “would you sleep with?” and “what do you prefer?” are mutually exclusive questions and do not disclaim information to each other.)

Some minor administrative notes:

* I find landing strips to be confusing. It’s like, why would you come to Miami to hang out in Ft. Lauderdale. If were going to be here, we might as well be here. Whenever I see it, I look at its like a UFO hovering over the White House. I’d be like, “What are you doing here?”

* Bedazzled is cool. No really. What? That’s like the apex of hair removal.

* Shapes and letters are a close second and third.

* The following is non-negotiable, shave/wax your; legs, underarms, mustache, back and any other regions where unsightly hair grows. (You’d be surprised.)

 * If you’re 30 years old and you haven’t seen a nectarine yet, you’ve been having sex with men. I’m so very disappointed. In other news, Dania Ramirez, ladies and gentlemen!

What do you think Makings of a Man massive? Trim, Shave or Wax? Do you have a friend who refuses to do anything with the region and it annoys you? Fellas, be honest, what do you prefer? I know some of you come on here with those self-preservation comments, but keep it real for today.

R&B singer Trey Songz  will release his 4th studio album, “Passion, Pain and Pleasure” on the 14th of September, with the music industry hoping it can spike sales after a record weekly low last week. A preview of a few songs off the album was given to UStream last month as a teaser for fans, as well as surprise calls to some lucky ones (like myself) who got to hear his CD first.

As seems to be usual now for many artists, some of his songs were leaked on to the Internet, which he gave a little acknowledgement to by saying “Shout out to everybody who didn’t listen to the leaks,” he said. But the singer brushed off the premature release of some of his tracks, adding, “Bootleggers gotta eat. I ain’t mad at y’all boys.”

Much of his lyrical content has to do with pleasure and passion, not so much pain. With lyrics like “wouldn’t it be nice if all night I was in you?” from ‘Love Faces’, and “That thang cold, y’all, that thang cold,” in the same song, women all over the place are going to be driven wild and saying how smooth the singer is.

Despite its overtly simplistic theme the album is pretty decent and could mark a transition in Songz’s career. This is probably his most complete work so far, it showcases a lot growth and definitely more maturity. The production here is stellar, the vocals although not groundbreaking are interesting, things only get shaky when lyrics are in play. There is room for improvement lyrically for this young star in the making. Songz has a bright future in this industry.

According to the early estimates Songz’s “Passion, Pain and Pleasure” album is expected to sell between 230,000 and 250,000 units in its first week of release. This is a big leap forward for the “I Gotta Make It” singer whose last CD and best selling release yet, 2009′s “Ready” only sold 131,000 copies in its debut week.

I was talking to a female-friend about the context of this very blog and she had some interesting input from the female perspective. I’ll share two things she said that I feel encompass the overall issue:

“We women can find optimism in the direst of circumstances. We’d rather settle for scraps and be in a relationship instead of finding what we deserve.”

“She isn’t going anywhere. So what incentive does he have to be greater when his minimum will yield the same result?”

I don’t know about the first quote personally, because I’m not a woman. I just thought it was interesting. The latter, however, is very true.

I’ll be the first to admit that men put women though a lot of shit. Yet, 9 times out of 10 it’s because you let us. True story.

I mean you can’t get upset with a man for never committing when he knows you aren’t going anywhere regardless of if he commits or not. Generally men commit for two reasons: 1) They think they can’t do better and/or 2) They think they might lose you.

Therefore, using the often underused philosophy of common sense, if he 1) thinks he can do better and/or 2) thinks/knows you won’t leave him, chances are he will never commit to you. And yes, most dudes are deathly afraid of commitment, but if you can’t inspire him to overcome that fear then you are not the one for him or he is not the one for you. Period.

If you think you’re going to ‘wait a man into commitment’ it is far more likely that you will be waiting forever – and in vain. Here’s why…

Men will date a woman out of convenience with no plans to ever go beyond that phase with that woman. Now, if you’re content with being a woman of convenience, then more power to you – but if you want a commitment from that dude, you got a problem.

If you’re giving a man sex, affection, love, etc.  – essentially giving away the milk, the cow and the whole damn farm for free then he will date you, excuse me while I quote from The Sandlot here: “For-ever, For-ever, For-ever, For-ever” without any thought or plan to commit to you, let alone marry you. In fact, it is quite possible that when he is ready for that type of relationship it will not be with you.

Ladies, I know you might believe he loves you and maybe he does, but love and commitment are not mutually exclusive. So let me state this frankly: a man can love you without planning to marry you. If you’re content with that, great! But if you want more than a stated “I Love You,” cuddling, time spent together, sex and midnight love dedications on the radio, then at some point you’re going to have to speak up.

I’m not a fan of ultimatums but I will admit they get results because the outcome is clearly defined. Do X by Y-time or Z will happen. The problem is when it comes to dating most people don’t firmly commit to Z when X and Y fail to happen.

That’s why you should never – and for emphasis let me repeat that – never, tell a man you’re going to leave him and then don’t leave (or leave and comeback). This tells us we can get away with everything just shy of placing a Chuck Norris-style roundhouse kick to your mother’s medulla oblongata and you aren’t going anywhere. There is nothing more dangerous than a man who realizes he can tell you the truth without repercussion. Example: “I will never marry you.” After you have told him that you want to get married.

Basically if you ever plan on being someone’s partner – girlfriend, wife, or other – say what you mean and mean what you say  and then follow through if you want a clear commitment sometime before a quarter to never. Otherwise the only person you can really blame is the woman in the mirror, but if you disagree and it makes you feel better and sleep easier at night then feel free to blame everyone else but yourself because we can all see how effective that’s been…

--Class Dismissed