The Makings of a Man

R&B singer Trey Songz  will release his 4th studio album, “Passion, Pain and Pleasure” on the 14th of September, with the music industry hoping it can spike sales after a record weekly low last week. A preview of a few songs off the album was given to UStream last month as a teaser for fans, as well as surprise calls to some lucky ones (like myself) who got to hear his CD first.

As seems to be usual now for many artists, some of his songs were leaked on to the Internet, which he gave a little acknowledgement to by saying “Shout out to everybody who didn’t listen to the leaks,” he said. But the singer brushed off the premature release of some of his tracks, adding, “Bootleggers gotta eat. I ain’t mad at y’all boys.”

Much of his lyrical content has to do with pleasure and passion, not so much pain. With lyrics like “wouldn’t it be nice if all night I was in you?” from ‘Love Faces’, and “That thang cold, y’all, that thang cold,” in the same song, women all over the place are going to be driven wild and saying how smooth the singer is.

Despite its overtly simplistic theme the album is pretty decent and could mark a transition in Songz’s career. This is probably his most complete work so far, it showcases a lot growth and definitely more maturity. The production here is stellar, the vocals although not groundbreaking are interesting, things only get shaky when lyrics are in play. There is room for improvement lyrically for this young star in the making. Songz has a bright future in this industry.

According to the early estimates Songz’s “Passion, Pain and Pleasure” album is expected to sell between 230,000 and 250,000 units in its first week of release. This is a big leap forward for the “I Gotta Make It” singer whose last CD and best selling release yet, 2009′s “Ready” only sold 131,000 copies in its debut week.

I was talking to a female-friend about the context of this very blog and she had some interesting input from the female perspective. I’ll share two things she said that I feel encompass the overall issue:

“We women can find optimism in the direst of circumstances. We’d rather settle for scraps and be in a relationship instead of finding what we deserve.”

“She isn’t going anywhere. So what incentive does he have to be greater when his minimum will yield the same result?”

I don’t know about the first quote personally, because I’m not a woman. I just thought it was interesting. The latter, however, is very true.

I’ll be the first to admit that men put women though a lot of shit. Yet, 9 times out of 10 it’s because you let us. True story.

I mean you can’t get upset with a man for never committing when he knows you aren’t going anywhere regardless of if he commits or not. Generally men commit for two reasons: 1) They think they can’t do better and/or 2) They think they might lose you.

Therefore, using the often underused philosophy of common sense, if he 1) thinks he can do better and/or 2) thinks/knows you won’t leave him, chances are he will never commit to you. And yes, most dudes are deathly afraid of commitment, but if you can’t inspire him to overcome that fear then you are not the one for him or he is not the one for you. Period.

If you think you’re going to ‘wait a man into commitment’ it is far more likely that you will be waiting forever – and in vain. Here’s why…

Men will date a woman out of convenience with no plans to ever go beyond that phase with that woman. Now, if you’re content with being a woman of convenience, then more power to you – but if you want a commitment from that dude, you got a problem.

If you’re giving a man sex, affection, love, etc.  – essentially giving away the milk, the cow and the whole damn farm for free then he will date you, excuse me while I quote from The Sandlot here: “For-ever, For-ever, For-ever, For-ever” without any thought or plan to commit to you, let alone marry you. In fact, it is quite possible that when he is ready for that type of relationship it will not be with you.

Ladies, I know you might believe he loves you and maybe he does, but love and commitment are not mutually exclusive. So let me state this frankly: a man can love you without planning to marry you. If you’re content with that, great! But if you want more than a stated “I Love You,” cuddling, time spent together, sex and midnight love dedications on the radio, then at some point you’re going to have to speak up.

I’m not a fan of ultimatums but I will admit they get results because the outcome is clearly defined. Do X by Y-time or Z will happen. The problem is when it comes to dating most people don’t firmly commit to Z when X and Y fail to happen.

That’s why you should never – and for emphasis let me repeat that – never, tell a man you’re going to leave him and then don’t leave (or leave and comeback). This tells us we can get away with everything just shy of placing a Chuck Norris-style roundhouse kick to your mother’s medulla oblongata and you aren’t going anywhere. There is nothing more dangerous than a man who realizes he can tell you the truth without repercussion. Example: “I will never marry you.” After you have told him that you want to get married.

Basically if you ever plan on being someone’s partner – girlfriend, wife, or other – say what you mean and mean what you say  and then follow through if you want a clear commitment sometime before a quarter to never. Otherwise the only person you can really blame is the woman in the mirror, but if you disagree and it makes you feel better and sleep easier at night then feel free to blame everyone else but yourself because we can all see how effective that’s been…

--Class Dismissed

10) Your foundation should consist of basic blues, blacks, browns, and grays.

9) Don't limit yourself to the basics when expanding your wardrobe; experiment with pastels in the spring and summer.

8) Basic colors in blue, black, brown, and gray can be purchased lower than retail price in stores such as TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and outlet malls such as Concord Mills Mall.

7) The texture and material of your socks should coincide with the fabric of your trousers.

6) Likewise, the texture of your socks should coincide with footwear. For example, heavy cottons and formal dress shoes don't go together.

5) The color of your socks should compliment the color in your trousers.

4) For the adventurous, socks can compliment various colors to elements in your outfit; your tie, pocket square, etc.

3) Always wash socks in cold water on gentle to reduce shrinkage and wear.

2) Never dry your socks in the dryer; instead hang them in the shower overnight to dry.

1) Washable laundry bag!! You want to stop losing that one sock. Buy a bag from Target and keep track of your socks.

After a day of wearing my shoes, I usually insert shoe trees when I put them away. All my finer footwear possess a pair of shoe trees. Some people have a couple of pair of trees and rotate accordingly. I find it easier to just have multiple and separate trees. I have seen a reduction in both creasing and cracking of my leather dress shoes. Leather actually shrinks when not in usage, so its shape is retained when in storage.

uality shoe trees can be bought for as little as $25.00 or even less if you catch a sale. In terms of shoe maintenance, the shoe tree is essential to proper shoe health and care. Help extend shoe life by purchasing shoe trees. You won't regret your decision.

10) You don't bother to ever clean your shoes.

9) You don't use leather conditioner in between polishing your shoes.

8) Did you say polish?

7) Your only pair of black shoes are your work shoes, church shoes, leisure shoes, gym shoes, etc.

6) You take off your shoes with them still laced. You put them on still laced.

5) You dry wet shoes with direct heat; be it your furnace, heater, oven, etc.

4) Your "leather" shoes are really "pleather" shoes.

3) The last time you bought shoes, gas was about $1.49 a gallon.

2) You have no idea what cedar shoe trees are.

1) You've spent more money on Nintendo Wii & Playstation 3 than quality shoes.

Wow, I see my fellow gentlemen have taken my advice from my White Out post.  You now have your fresh clean white dress shirt. The next move is critical. The time has come for you to select the appropriate neckwear. Keep in mind that we are striving for a conservative look similiar to that in which Barack Obama has adopted in his political career. You want a look that is both serious and professional. Your selection can make or break your entire outfit. Your tie is the centerpiece that is first noticed in your ensemble. Your tie is on the front line in the "War on First Impressions". You want to keep your look understated, yet elegant. Your choice should be a solid, striped, or small geometric tie in varying shades of blue, red, black, or gray. For knots, the gentleman should employ a four in hand or semi-windsor when knotting their tie. His tie should just meet his belt line. There should be a understated harmony between the dress shirt and tie.

The Burberry tie above is a perfect example of a tone on tone tie in black. There is a subtle check pattern, but the tie performs like a solid due to its tonal nature. Retail $130.00

Looking to spruce up that suit or sports coat for the fall? Take a look at these Hickey Freeman Gingham Silk Pocket Squares. With six colors to choose from, you shouldn't have a problem adding some color that is playful and sharp at the same time. For more information, please visit Hickey Freeman.