The Makings of a Man

No offense to any man who reads this, looks down at their feet and sees a piece of synthetic, manmade material separating their big toe from the other 4 but I just have to get this off my chest. Its getting hot as balls outside and all I see walking around is grown men in thong flip flops.


Can someone please tell me when the word “thong” became synonymous with the word “man”? I know the first word that pops in my head when I hear the word “thong” is women. Why you may ask? Because since forever, women have been wearing thongs so they don’t show panty lines and to also show some PG-13 skin in an Uncle Luke video. Do I find anything wrong with thongs and women? No! But do I find everything wrong with thongs and men, hell yeah!

Now that I have supplied a history lesson on the thong, let’s see where the thong has ventured over the past years. First, we have male strippers wearing thong....why in the world would a man want a piece of fabric up their crack? My guess is that its the ultimate wedgie and everyone knows their first instinct when they get a wedgie...find a corner where no one is looking and get it out by any means neccessary. If I were a male stripper, screw the whole thong idea, I’m coming out in my birthday suit.

Next came the thong flip flop. Women wearing thong flip flops, I salute you. They are light, colorful, comfortable, and let’s face it, they look pretty good on you (this depends on the status of your feet though). You throw them on in the spring/summer to go out to the store, walk around outside, or down at the beach. Overall, its a good look for most of you. I guess with the success of the womens thong flip flop, some corporate “genius” figured “hey, we could probably get men to wear them as well”. So from that statement in a board meeting probably in California, they told their factories in China to start making them bigger; thus they did and now we have one of the greatest catastrophies since white people with dreadlocks.

With the unfortunate success of the male thong flip flop, larger, more established and fashionable companies jumped on the bandwagon. Coach, Louis Vuitton, Gucci, they all have the male thong flip flop. Yes, they are constructed of some of the finest materials in the world but let’s face it, a thong is a thong; a man still looks out of place wearing these. You may think this is a personal preference but do me a favor and take a look around and look at a man wearing thong flip flops. Then you will see how silly they look.

Just like the wearable thong, what man really wants a wedgie? Then again, who really wants a toe-wedgie? I know I don’t. I think the approved flip flop for men should be the slip on flip flop like those made by nike, adidas, etc…if you want to rock a more fashonable flip flop, go for it. Just make sure all your toes touch each other and not sandwich a piece of foam. If you beg to differ, feel free to comment.