The Makings of a Man

I remember in undergrad actually having to convince some of my female friends the club wasn’t a good place to look for a potentional boyfriend. To me, I was shocked that I had to actually argue this point. I thought it was clear to everyone that the club was for finding one night stands, jumpoffs, and bucket heads … not Ms. (or Mr.) Right.

Why is the club tailored to those looking for temporary love? What is it about the club that is poisonous to the creation of true love? Why is any relationship formed in the club almost always doomed to fail? Simply put, the "club mentality."

I can’t speak for everyone, every club, everywhere, but generally speaking, the club is the definition of  “the frenzy." There is a lot of liquor involved, it’s an environment solely focused on social interactions between men and women. The music is too loud for conversation. Lights are dim and vision is blurred. It’s one of the few places you can walk behind a female, start grind on her butt without permission, and not be arrested or cut.

The rules, laws, and social norms that are upheld on “the outside”  simply don’t apply here. Its a different world.

A lot of guys go to the club to take a girl home with them that night and disposed of right after. They are often the most aggressive as well. In addition, as a guy, you know more “club” females are going to be open to conversation as opposed to the “real world” females … so you don’t have to worry about “bothering” someone. While physically abusing a girl is still just as wrong, all those overly aggressive moves you had to retire are now allowed and expected. Also, for some reason, a fight is now a possibility. While at work you are calm, on the road you let people pass you, but in the club … let someone scuff your sneakers or spill your drink … then you have a misunderstanding!

Ladies, you know that someone is going to disrespect you. Your butt will be grabbed, someone is going to pull your arm and not want to let go, and somebody is going to be just a little too aggressive about getting your number. A guy is going to come up to you and start “dancing”...which is closer to sex than anything else, but for some reason … tonight its okay. And while you are open to conversation from any cute guy who is “acting right” … you also prepared a set of statements for those “showing their ass”.

In both cases, you're not thinking or acting logically. You're not the same person that you are at work, or in the grocery store, or while walking down the street. For some, the thought of sleeping with someone you have known for less than 24 hours suddenly seems more appealing to you. However once that liquid courage (alcohol) gets in the system … a mild-mannered guy suddenly becomes "Mr. Pouring Champagne on and Chick in Sight" (SMDH), kicking girls away from the table while replacing them, all while threatening death on a bouncer.

Not only is the person you meet at the club not a valid representation of this person in real life, but its hard to take anyone as serious in the club. I’m thinking about different things, the standards your getting judged by are significantly different, and honestly … even if you meet Ms. Right …you still might do something stupid and probably will ruin something that could have been beautiful.

I will say, there are certain lounges, happy hours, and upscale restaraunts that can provide a relatively healthy meeting place for single individuals, but that isn’t the norm. Are you still looking for that special someone at the club? Is club you the same person at the 9 to 5? Can you even take someone you meet in the club serious?